Coloring Outside The Lines

Lost

2011-11-10T11:39:00.004-08:00

This is a representation of a recurring dream I have. The dream always involves forgotten cats and kittens in someone's basement. I am always trying to rescue them and take them home and I am always worried that my husband won't like it if I bring them home and I worry about how I will care for them. My suspicion if that the cats and kittens are symbolic of my lost, split off selves. I think my

The Wise Virgin

2011-11-10T11:35:00.003-08:00

I wait for you, my Master.... I wait. I keep my lamp lit through the darkness of this world The light in my lamp reminds me that there is hope Preserve my chastity, Master, while I wait Tears dry in time For abundance of sorrow my hope fades and my oil dwindles Fill my lamp, O sovereign One Light my flame Give me patience to wait... and to stay wise.

Metamorphosis

2011-11-10T11:27:00.001-08:00

I used to avoid anything to do with butterflies because of reading about "Monarch Programming". But now I am skeptical that any programming method goes by this name as the source of this name is not a credible one and can't be found anywhere else. There are several authors who talk about this programming, but I believe all of them get their source material from Fritz Springmeiger who can't be

What They Did To My Head

2011-11-09T20:29:00.002-08:00

What They Did To My Head by elianahephzibah on polyvore.com This is what the end product feels like when one has been subjected to systematic fragmentation and mind control programming. puzzle - Live Search Images msn.com psd fade frame gxzone.com The Speed of History ocw.mit.edu black magic removes with quran merlinspath.wordpress.com black-swan tania-lostinthought.blogspot.com maze

The Fire Mistress

2011-11-09T17:42:00.001-08:00

The Fire Mistress by elianahephzibah on polyvore.com- Ténèbres Imaginaires -tubes-passion.eklablog.comIMAGE PAYSAGE FANTASTIQUE - Page 3valerian.centerblog.netRed- Bellied Woodpecker: Horsie and Light Showblogspot.comRed- Bellied Woodpecker: Horsie and Light Showblogspot.comRed- Bellied Woodpecker: Horsie and Light Showblogspot.comRed- Bellied Woodpecker: Horsie and Light Showblogspot.com-

Beautiful People

2011-11-08T00:36:00.001-08:00

Beautiful People by elianahephzibah on polyvore.comframe customhome.comcast.netWallpaper: Leaves on rippling water, Design and Lohas, 17 -...wallcoo.netLE GRENIER DE BRIGITTE - Page 1585mafoirfouille.centerblog.net

Doors

2011-11-06T07:51:00.002-08:00

Doors by elianahephzibah on polyvore.com I feel surrounded by closed doors most of the time. I know the parts of myself that doors are closed most securely to. The trouble is, I can't be whole or put the past where it belongs when memories and parts of me are in suspended animation behind these doors. In front of groups of doors inside there is always a guardian that keeps things secure for me.

Black Wedding

2011-11-04T22:32:00.001-07:00

Black Wedding by elianahephzibah on polyvore.com- Ténèbres Imaginaires -tubes-passion.eklablog.comGothic - My Modern Metropolismymodernmet.comBlood Moonfreecodesource.comblack-frameimagefrog.nettubes gothiques - Blog de l'ile de kahlanliledekahlan.eklablog.comTubes Gothiqueencatimini.centerblog.nettubes gothiques - Blog de l'ile de kahlanliledekahlan.eklablog.comtubes Halloween - Blog de l'ile de

RUINATION

2011-11-04T21:55:00.001-07:00

RUINATION by elianahephzibah on polyvore.comblack-swanblogspot.comPSD Detail | Blood | Official PSDsofficialpsds.comblack-frameimagefrog.netPSD Detail | Blood Splats | Official PSDsofficialpsds.comAmerican Horror Story Preview: One Freaky Family - TV Fanatictvfanatic.comtubes gothiques - Page 4purplefolie.centerblog.netblood-spatter | hellinahandbasket.nethellinahandbasket.netCrown of thorns

Rising Consciousness

2011-10-30T03:56:00.001-07:00

Rising Consciousness by elianahephzibah on polyvore.comBackgrounds | Mix Textures. Комментарии : LiveInternet - Российский...affinity4you.ruDark Backgrounds Myspace Graphics, Dark Backgrounds Myspace Comments,...hotlayouts2u.commes tubes animauxstephygraff.kazeo.comimageGxgxzone.comblue bubblesimghouse.netstar spatterimghouse.netContact Bubblebubblegroup.comtubes Halloween - Blog de l'ile de

Happy Halloween

2011-10-30T03:04:00.001-07:00

Happy Halloween by elianahephzibah on polyvore.comtubes halloween - Page 2purplefolie.centerblog.nethalloween tubes - Page 2purplefolie.centerblog.netCeltic Vine Corner clip art - vector clip art online, royalty free &...clker.comblack-frameimagefrog.nettubes maison halloween - bienvenue chez tirambienvenuecheztiram.com- animaux chats -tubes-passion.eklablog.comtubes Halloween - Blog de l'ile de

The Emerald Serpent

2011-10-27T23:35:00.001-07:00

The Emerald Serpent by elianahephzibah on polyvore.com I've been trying to come up with a way to portray this literally for years. I think I've finally gotten it right. This set depicts a memory of a ritual trial I had to undergo during the adolescent years. It was in a Greek temple setting and involved Green Mamba venomous snakes. The object of the trial was to completely control one's

Jesus Wept I

2011-10-27T21:53:00.001-07:00

Jesus Wept I by elianahephzibah on polyvore.comBlade Rubber Stamps Blade Rubber Stamps Blade Rubber - Shapes and...£4.75 - bladerubberstamps.co.uk

Quantum Enigma

2011-10-25T12:13:00.001-07:00

Quantum Enigma by elianahephzibah on polyvore.comFree Scrapbooking Software Templates Embellishments Backgrounds$12 - scrapbookflair.com

Dance of the Furies

2011-10-24T02:54:00.001-07:00

Dance of the Furies by elianahephzibah on polyvore.comsleep walkingunderstanding-sleep-disorders.comBackgrounds | Vintages. Комментарии : LiveInternet - Российский Сервис...affinity4you.ruAutumn Road - Forces of Nature Wallpaper 42914 - Desktop Nexus Naturenature.desktopnexus.comFire-flame-psdgxzone.com*°-°*chezcaline *°-°* tubes,créations images

Stroiki Requiem

2011-10-24T02:19:00.001-07:00

Stroiki Requiem by elianahephzibah featuring diamond ringsDiamond ring£1,929 - debenhams.comJosephs Studio 48-Inch Angel Holding Wreath Garden Statue | Meijer.com$238 - meijer.comCanella Natural Wood Kitchen Shelf£70 - habitat.co.ukvintage side table with marble top - ABC Carpet & Homeabchome.com

Internal Hierarchy Borders

2011-10-15T22:26:00.001-07:00

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Internal Hierarchy

2011-10-15T19:58:00.001-07:00

Internal Hierarchy by elianahephzibah on polyvore.com This is a portrayal of internal system color coded hierarchy with associated imagery. Purple is highest and represents the most power and high spiritual plane. Blue is a kind of everyday gateway system who tends to be spiritually oriented as well. The branching represents how purple came from the blue section somehow. Green is the

Walk of Doom

2011-10-15T18:41:00.001-07:00

Walk of Doom by elianahephzibah on polyvore.com IU Cinema Groundbreaking and Theatre and Drama Renovation Celebration indiana.edu Red Room gxzone.com CoyDreamer - music brush imghouse.net wavelight/psd gxzone.com Marble-frame-psd gxzone.com Flames gxzone.com tubes fantastiques - Page 13 purplefolie.centerblog.net tubes fantastiques - Page 7

Unfair

2011-10-14T03:56:00.001-07:00

Unfair by elianahephzibah on polyvore.comA Survivor's Revolution: POEM: Rape By Numberswriteupcafe.comtexture - Live Search Imagesmsn.comabcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz please dnt use!:)tumblr.comA journey through Jennifer's mind in images: rapeblogspot.comNo Wukkas: The Best Headhunters In The Business - mediabistro.com:...mediabistro.comDark Art Gothic - Photo 66 of 86 |

Reluctant Participants

2011-10-12T23:55:00.001-07:00

Reluctant Participants by elianahephzibah on polyvore.com Halloween is supposed to be an innocent and fun holiday, but for some growing up occasions such as this were an opportunity for organized abuse and exploitation. What I hoped to capture in this set is the sick mix that is commonly found in gatherings of this type: young children in pajamas, sexualized adolescents, adults partaking

While Cassiopea Slumbers

2011-10-07T01:14:00.001-07:00

While Cassiopea Slumbers by elianahephzibah on polyvore.comtubes femmes - Page 70purplefolie.centerblog.netTubes paysagesfd34creationstubes.vefblog.netstar spatterimghouse.netfairy dustgxzone.comPurple Light Effect - 668x668 PSDofficialpsds.comfairy dust trailgxzone.comcolor starsgxzone.comPlanet Renders // Renders - Misc/Unknown Renders/Nebulaplanetrenders.nettube

Lonely Is The Night

2011-10-07T00:17:00.003-07:00

Lonely Is The Night by elianahephzibah on polyvore.comTUBES FEMMES - Page 8mafoirfouille.centerblog.netStock Detail | Dark Alley | Official PSDsofficialpsds.comPSD Detail | Black Cat | Official PSDsofficialpsds.com

Dreaming of What Will Never Be

2011-08-29T13:25:00.002-07:00

Dreaming of What Will Never Be by elianahephzibah featuring face watches Ikea Pjätteryd This is an expression of how it feels to be totally debilitated by Chronic Fatigue Syndrome/Fibromyalgia.

A Juxtaposition of Hope and Despair

2011-08-29T12:44:00.002-07:00

A Juxtaposition of Hope and Despair by elianahephzibah on Polyvore.com tube abstrait - Page 13 nikkograff.centerblog.net tube aile - Page 4 nikkograff.centerblog.net tubes melangers - Page 42 nikkograff.centerblog.net Smoke Screen gxzone.com Creepy Celtic Cross Misty Picture | Creepy Celtic Cross Misty Photo |... layoutsparks.com Comete59 créations et ressources PSP comete59.vefblog.net

I Can See Clearly Now: A Journey Into Sanity

2011-08-05T01:34:00.000-07:00

At certain points in my journey I find it helpful to take stock of all I have learned and accomplished in my lifelong quest for both functionality and wholeness. My struggle has been to find a way to find lasting sanity. It has never been a sufficient goal for me to simply “get it together”, or “act right”. I have tried to follow that dictum without success; that is, until 2005. 2005 brought the

Under Construction

2011-05-10T17:02:00.003-07:00

I've decided it is time to revamp this blog to better reflect my vision of how I would like to share my journey and thoughts. I started this blog as a kind of journal, but since then I've learned so much that I want to share with others. I would like to aim more toward making this an informative place where survivors of extreme abuse, and those who care about these issues can come for a unique

Freedom

2011-03-05T16:54:00.003-08:00

Freedom by ElianaHephzibah on Polyvore.com Blessed be the name of the Lord. He has blasted the evil programming inside apart.

Healing of Memories: Phase III: Beneath the Screen

2011-02-14T14:25:00.006-08:00

Healing of Memories: Phase III: Beneath the Screen by ElianaHephzibah on Polyvore.com This collage and phase of memory recovery and healing was the most difficult for me to remember, recount, and construct. It is indeed horrific to bring to light. But the rewards from dealing with things at this depth of my being have been great. Remembering this and putting all of the pieces together was the key

Healing of Memories: Stage II: Prayer

2011-02-14T13:17:00.002-08:00

Healing of Memories: Stage II: Prayer by ElianaHephzibah featuring striped topsAfter the terrible memory surfaced about the trauma from the first collage of this series, I got together with my support persons and we prayed that Jesus would come into the middle of that trauma and heal it. Inside, I could see the selves who could not speak and Jesus arrived and touched a fiery coal to their mouths

Healing of Memories: Stage I: Listening

2011-02-14T12:56:00.004-08:00

Healing of Memories: Stage I: Listening by ElianaHephzibah on Polyvore.com I have had a serious phobia of dental procedures all my life. Consciously, I have always remembered being very resistant to local anesthetics and so was subjected to terrible, painful procedures while our family dentist ignored my pain. But I always knew inside that there was more... much more. As an adult, I was so

Woe To You, O Kansas!

2010-07-20T13:17:00.003-07:00

Woe To You, O Kansas! by ElianaHephzibah on Polyvore.com Woe to you, O Kansas I know your deeds It will go better for Sodom and Gomorrah in the Day of Judgement than it will for you. You clean the outside of the cup, but inside you are a whitened sepulcher, full of dead men's bones and decay. Your polished words and fake smiles won't fool anyone anymore. Behold, judgement is coming!

The Space Between

2010-07-18T15:18:00.002-07:00

The Space Between by ElianaHephzibah on Polyvore.comThe Rabbit Hole connects left to right. The rainbow is the bridge you cross to get from one side to another. Being inside the rabbit hole is like being inside insanity itself. It is pure hell and you can't get out fast enough. Will we have to go back through if we move to the center, from which all things originated?

Walk on the Right

2010-07-18T15:16:00.002-07:00

Walk on the Right by ElianaHephzibah on Polyvore.com The right side is far more attractive than the left, its true. This is where the highest developed alter selves live. They see themselves as far removed from abuse, as every unpleasant thing they have endured, seen, or done is rationalized by dogma. This is where the programming is expressed and roles held. I've spent far more time

Walk on the Left Side

2010-07-18T15:12:00.003-07:00

Walk on the Left Side by ElianaHephzibah on Polyvore.com The left side is where we were not special... we were just convenient. We were smart...enough... We wanted to matter and everything in this world screamed that we didn't. We were a rag doll to be thrown in the corner... and picked up when some practical use was conceived for us. The Left Side knew... they always knew. They refused to be

Wet Cement

2010-05-01T14:22:00.005-07:00

Recently I finally put many pieces of memory together which were all part of a major chain of events that happened in my life which I have been working on for many years. This year was the first time that I had been able to take the accumulated pieces and assemble them into a narrative in order to understand what had happened to me to create the effects that I kept suffering. The purpose of this

The Story Behind The Stories

2010-04-27T12:35:00.002-07:00

Genesis to Revelation is the continuing story of humankind's birthright, which he was tricked into relinquishing, and the Valiant God who through love has orchestrated a grand plan to win it back for us. The Evil One who offered humankind Knowledge on a grand scale (explicit), in exchange for their partnership with him (implicit), had launched a plan of outright rebellion before humans even

Montage

2010-04-21T13:21:00.004-07:00

Montage by ElianaHephzibah on Polyvore.com The set is a depiction of the many flashes, internal parts, and effects of a central trauma from my life. Getting all of these pieces, and putting them together into a cohesive narrative has been the task of several combined years. It must have happened between February and May because that is the window every year where pieces of this come out and

Thou Shalt Never Know

2010-04-10T22:06:00.001-07:00

Thou Shalt Never Know ~ Triggering by ElianaHephzibah on Polyvore.com Well...now I know. I've always known. Its burned into my soul.

The Family of Lies

2010-04-08T15:58:00.002-07:00

The Family of Lies by ElianaHephzibah on Polyvore.com

The Scapegoat

2010-03-31T11:15:00.002-07:00

The Scapegoat by ElianaHephzibah on Polyvore.com In ancient Israel there was the custom of the scapegoat. This was a ritual where the elders of the community would select a goat and would lay their hands on its head to transfer the sins of the community onto the goat. Then the goat would be set loose into the desert, never to return carrying the sins of the community away. This is what my

Emerging From Underneath

2010-03-29T14:16:00.002-07:00

Emerging From Underneath by ElianaHephzibah on Polyvore.com This set came from a dream I had recently. In the dream, I was beside a leafy tree underneath which there was an area of bare dirt. On the dirt were all of these earthworms of various sizes. Some of them were very huge, for worms. There were so many I was panicking and trying not to step on them. Some were above ground and some were

Shh... There's Bats in the Belfry

2010-03-27T22:11:00.003-07:00

Shh... There's Bats in the Belfry by ElianaHephzibah on Polyvore.com This must be an important set because I've deleted two previous versions accidentally. The title comes from some work I was doing around this issue I am currently working through. A part inside said this to me once regarding my family.

The Hope Chest

2010-03-16T00:49:00.001-07:00

The Hope Chest by ElianaHephzibah featuring Alex and Chloe necklaces It wasn't a magic box. It was nothing but a shiny gloss over an ugly scar. The lie was that I was somehow "special" and above something so base happening to me. We thought our position made us somehow immune. But we are still human, in spite of all of the inhuman things done to us. The ugly human reality occurred and was

Beware The Magic Box

2010-03-16T00:44:00.004-07:00

Beware The Magic Box by ElianaHephzibah on Polyvore.com What will I find in the box? I want to see. I don't want to see. I want to know. I need to know. They say it doesn't matter. Its all "in the past", or "it never happened", "you are crazy". Am I? Will I find out how special and chosen I really was? Will I find out what terribly important role I was to play in the tapestry of history? Will I

Hopeless Wishes

2010-02-28T13:32:00.002-08:00

Hopeless Wishes by ElianaHephzibah on Polyvore.com Today is the first anniversary of my father's death. I was not there. I was forbidden from being there to punish me for standing up for the truth. But he died a long, long time ago. What happened last year was only the death of the last, hidden vestige of hope. Maybe he died the day he stole and sold my innocence and my soul... Or maybe he

The Middle Place

2010-02-18T20:49:00.002-08:00

The Middle Place by ElianaHephzibah on Polyvore.com Tonight, the eager audience will be graced with the presence of the Archangel Michael. But here 'you' are, waiting in the middle place; a place of Nothingness. And the terror you feel is myriad: What if I never am allowed to return? What if I am stuck here forever...here in this Netherworld? Is this what Hell is... a vast Nothingness? Every

Falling Awake From Amnesia

2010-02-17T11:18:00.005-08:00

When trauma has been dissociated during childhood, it surfaces usually in adulthood, beginning as dreams that continue with snippets of memory...much like a puzzle. Nights become entrenched with viewing and feeling the fear seeping through. This is an attempt to reflect a typical night for someone with DID as memories begin to process. Thank you, Grace, for putting these truths into art we can

The Rainbow Coalition

2010-02-17T09:37:00.002-08:00

The Rainbow Coalition by ElianaHephzibah on Polyvore.com

The Music of the Spheres

2010-02-01T21:55:00.003-08:00

Music of the Spheres by ElianaHephzibah on Polyvore.com The other day, a very terrible memory of group sexual abuse was creeping into my consciousness and I was struggling to accept it. I was feeling the contamination of it and realizing that I am less dissociated now. I saw a child inside, encased in a bubble. The bubble is there to protect me from the contamination of what the child had to

The Assembly

2010-01-31T14:21:00.002-08:00

The Assembly by ElianaHephzibah on Polyvore.com

Thoughts on Integration

2010-01-17T14:19:00.007-08:00

I am going through a process of gradual integration of my poly-fragmented, highly structured DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) systems. In a discussion about this topic with other survivors the question arose as to how it is possible to integrate thousands of parts. It is true that highly structured systems do contain this many different parts of selves. The following may help people

2009 Smart-Talks Online

2009-11-24T16:29:00.006-08:00

This years SMART conference presentations are up online. All you have to do it go to the url below, and click "play" on the talk/talks you want to listen to: http://smart-talks.podomatic.com/ Below is a list of the ones that are up: Lowell Routley: Dissociation and Time Management Lowell Routley is executive director of Heartland Trauma Initiative, created to serve survivors of extreme

Yes Nostalgia

2009-11-19T19:09:00.004-08:00

Yes Nostalgia by ElianaHephzibah on Polyvore.com Not all of my memories are terrible. Here is a collage about one of my fondest memories. It was my first concert experience. I was 16 years old and actually was most interested in and bought tickets to see the opening act, which was Berlin. I took my sister and sadly, Berlin didn't show. At the time, all I THOUGHT I knew of Yes was the currently

In Memoriam

2009-11-01T19:27:00.001-08:00

In Memoriam by ElianaHephzibah on Polyvore.com 2 Praise the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits- 3 who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, 4 who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion,

Escape

2009-10-20T11:10:00.001-07:00

Escape by ElianaHephzibah on Polyvore.com This is the story of the life of one of my alter selves, now integrated. Her name was Escape, and escape was what she was all about. One dark night, while being made to attend a ritual gathering in the woods, she decided to see what would happen if she just faded slowly into the darkness step by step. As she slowly faded back into the darkness, no one

2005

2009-10-18T12:23:00.003-07:00

2005 by ElianaHephzibah on Polyvore.com This collage is about the year my life exploded and I woke up from a nightmare that was being lived by me. It was outside of my awareness, but no less real. I went into the year with emerging alter selves who spoke of sinister things suggesting that I was subjected to much more than "regular" family sexual abuse, but something much more organized. During

When The Bough Breaks

2009-10-17T14:42:00.003-07:00

This video says it all about what is my life and experience. I wish it wasn't. I wish I could retreat into the comfort of insanity, but I cannot. I cannot because it is real. It is my life. Now I am trying so hard to become One. Only in becoming One can one be safe from living a double life behind one's own back... Never Again

I Will Go Before You

2009-09-16T23:44:00.002-07:00

I Will Go Before You by ElianaHephzibah on Polyvore.com Isaiah 45: 2-3 2 I will go before you and will level the mountains; I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron. 3 I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name. This set depicts my whole soul/mind/spirit.

Kid Tested, Government Approved: MKUltra and Various Similar Atrocities

2009-09-12T15:58:00.003-07:00

Kid Tested, Government Approved: MKUltra and Various Other Atrocities by ElianaHephzibah on Polyvore.com This set is based on an actual memory I have of being taken to a room like this one in a building that was set up like a barracks or a school by family members. I suspect it was on a military base. A doctor with a German accent came in and handed a leather shaving bag to the two family

Coalescence

2009-09-07T12:15:00.006-07:00

I don't know why it took me this long to put this on here, but in honor of my precious daughter visiting, I thought I would post this wonderful artistic expression of a multiple, through the eyes of her child: (Click on the images to read more clearly) This creation has been online for the last few years on my daughter's deviant art site. See more of her art here.

Blue World

2009-09-05T21:27:00.001-07:00

Blue World by ElianaHephzibah on Polyvore.com Heart and soul took control Took control of me Paid my dues spread the news Hands across the sea Put me down turned me round Turned me round to see Marble halls open doors Someone found the key And it's only what you do That keeps coming back on you And it's only what you say That can give yourself away Underground sight and sound human Symphony

Poor Little Alice

2009-09-03T16:50:00.002-07:00

Poor Little Alice by ElianaHephzibah featuring Borsalino hats This set is about just dawning understanding of all that Alice in Wonderland programming entailed. It was programming driven by set ups that caused one to be very confused and terrified as to what was real and what wasn't. What made it worse is that all through the terror and agony that were very real, all of the adults were saying

Hollywood MK Deception #1

2009-09-02T13:01:00.003-07:00

From the author/compiler of the video series: "Compilation video of an assortment of images from occult Hollywood. Hollywood itself is based upon the wood of a Holly tree used for magical/ritualistic purposes and is said to have the ability to hypnotize, mezmorize an entrance viewers. This is an expose on the "stars" that are really from highly abusive backgrounds and multigenerational

Twenty Years of Victory

2009-09-01T12:05:00.002-07:00

Twenty Years of Victory by ElianaHephzibah on Polyvore.com To my true love and partner of twenty years today. I love you.

Resistance!!

2009-08-22T16:47:00.004-07:00

Resistance! by ElianaHephzibah on Polyvore.com This set has to do with something that possibly happened this week. Conscious knowing of triggers takes their power away. Message: When are you going to accept that WE are not part of you anymore? When will you accept that my "attendance" at your infernal gatherings is no longer going to happen. I am NOT "coming out to play" anymore. LEAVE ME

What Happened to Me?

2009-08-15T13:43:00.003-07:00

What Happened to Me? by ElianaHephzibah on Polyvore.com By: Seth Age 8 One night in early 2005, before I had any memories of ritual abuse/cult abuse, I was at work and suddenly a show came on the TV and broke through to my conscious awareness. The man on the show said, "Satanic Ritual Abuse does exist and I am going to prove it to you right now..." When I heard that, I just froze and could not

The Magic of Cosmic Ascendancy

2009-08-06T13:15:00.003-07:00

The Magic of Cosmic Ascendancy by ElianaHephzibah on Polyvore.com A divided mind....divided existence and awareness. Three levels... hell, ordinary, and heaven. The method? Down, down down...Sexual abuse and forced dissociation in "hell" which is under the house. Tell the hurting child to "go toward the light", and "go to heaven". "Nobody wants to stay in hell, do they?" Up, up, up...You leave

Lughnasadh- Sing For Absolution

2009-08-01T12:20:00.004-07:00

Lughnasadh- Sing For Absolution by ElianaHephzibah on Polyvore.com Lips are turning blue A kiss that can't renew I only dream of you My beautiful Tip toe to your room A starlight in the gloom I only dream of you And you never knew Sing for absolution I will be singing And falling from your grace There's nowhere left to hide In no one to confide The truth burns deep inside And will never die

Reminder: I have another blog too!

2009-07-31T12:48:00.004-07:00

Just letting readers of this blog know that I have another blog called Journey Through The Dark Night. It focuses more on spiritual topics and encouragement for the journey. It has been kind of dormant for a while but I am beginning to do more with it lately and plan to do more. Check it out! Update May 14, 2011: I'm planning to morph both blogs into one, so plan for posts of the other blog to

The Counterfeit Trinity

2009-07-31T12:31:00.004-07:00

The Counterfeit Trinity by ElianaHephzibah on Polyvore.com Truth #1: This "trinity" does not really exist. It's all Satan Truth #2: The "lightside/darkside" barrier does not really exist. This is to illustrate how Satan tries to counterfeit and mirror the Trinity of God, Son, and Holy Spirit. While these spiritual "truths" are not true at all, it is how the Satanic Kingdom presents itself

Once And For All

2009-07-18T00:28:00.002-07:00

Once and For All by ElianaHephzibah on Polyvore.com I used to be so triggered by blood that I shied away from this concept regarding Christ. I think blood trauma was intentional conditioning to keep me away from this connection. I am being healed. It no longer makes me shrink. It brings freedom. I saw this picture and thought that being wrapped in a glorious and elegant red flowing dress might

Trusting Jesus For Memory Recovery

2009-07-08T14:10:00.003-07:00

Trusting Jesus For Memory Recovery by ElianaHephzibah on Polyvore.com This set represents an experience I had at the beginning of my memory recovery journey. It was in 1991 and the first memories of abuse were beginning to emerge in fragments. I was agonized over not being able to remember what had happened to me. So one day I decided to hypnotize myself so I could explore my subconscious

Legends

2009-07-04T16:45:00.004-07:00

Legends by ElianaHephzibah on Polyvore.com I have found many "legends" inside which each tell a different story about who I am and where I come from. Which one is the real me? Update May 14, 2011: I have since come to realize that the presence of these "legends" inside are fingerprints, if you will, of being used in government black MKULTRA type programs. The assorted alphabet organizations

True Nature of the Father of Lies

2009-07-04T16:43:00.002-07:00

True Nature of the Father of Lies by ElianaHephzibah on Polyvore.com My husband came up with this picture of who Satan really is when he is speaking his threats and lies to us from the shadows. They seem real and scary because we do not see the truth of who he is... The Father of Lies

The Wedding of Ancient and Modern Alchemy- Ruled By Secrecy

2009-06-20T16:56:00.003-07:00

Wedding of Ancient and Modern Alchemy- Ruled By Secrecy by ElianaHephzibah on Polyvore.com Ruled by secrecy- Muse Repress and restrain Steal the pressure and the pain Wash the blood off your hands This time she won't understand Change in the air They'll hide everywhere No one knows who's in control You're working so hard And you're never in charge Your death creates success Rebuild and

I Dreamed I Saw A Great Wave...

2009-05-27T22:49:00.004-07:00

I Dreamed I Saw A Great Wave... by ElianaHephzibah on Polyvore.com This quote, said by Eowyn in the film version of the Lord of the Rings, is actually said by the character Faramir in the books by J.R.R. Tolkien. Tolkien stated that he included this dream in his books from his own personal experience which was also passed on to his son. Both father and son had dreams of great waves of

The Dark Ones

2009-05-21T14:06:00.004-07:00

The Dark Ones by ElianaHephzibah on Polyvore.com This is a depiction of the first time I knowingly made contact with my internal cult created alter systems and associated internal landscape. The woman in the collage is a representation of Becky, whose name was later changed to Rebecca. She called herself a "system liason". A kind of forward ambassador whose mission was to break through to me

Grace's Abode

2009-05-19T18:45:00.002-07:00

Grace's Abode by ElianaHephzibah on Polyvore.com Many persons with complex DID have internal landscapes that are created in the mind to be able to hold parts and feelings and places that are too much for a child to deal with. This is part of mine. Grace was found to be residing in a replica of Glastonbury Abbey which was surrounded by a deep, dark forest in which many feelings were

I Won't Back Down

2009-05-13T12:01:00.003-07:00

I Won't Back Down by ElianaHephzibah on Polyvore.com Well I won't back down, no I won't back down you could stand me up at the gates of hell but I won't back down Gonna stand my ground, won't be turned around and I'll keep this world from draggin' me down gonna stand my ground and I won't back down Chorus Hey baby, there ain't no easy way out hey I will stand my ground and I won't back down

Living Life Behind My Own Back- Home By The Sea

2009-05-11T17:33:00.005-07:00

I've been realizing lately that as a person with a fragmented and externally sculpted identity (I've begun to refer to my disorder as "designer" DID), my insiders (alter selves) have been trying to communicate their plight to me for years. I heard them, but didn't understand the message back then. I just knew I was drawn to certain songs that I listened to over and over because I knew they

Don't Judge A Book By It's Cover: When The Heart Cries By Cindy Woodsmall

2009-04-29T12:03:00.005-07:00

The old addage "Don't judge a book by its cover" certainly applies very literally to this work of fiction. I read this book because it was the selection of the month for a book club I recently became a part of. Honestly, because of the cover and the description on the back I thought this would be a lot of idyllic utopian meanderings filled with Christianease. But an open mind won over the

The Importance of Being Redeemed

2009-04-04T14:14:00.001-07:00

This collage is a counterpoint to the Importance of Being Purple collage. They thought the programming was untouchable but it wasn't. Jesus conquers all and is leading me to freedom. "There is no pit so deep that He is not deeper still." ~ Corrie Ten Boom The Importance of Being Redeemed by ElianaHephzibah on Polyvore.com

The Importance of Being Purple

2009-04-01T15:01:00.003-07:00

Mind control programmers organize alter systems according to color, and each color has specific jobs, roles, and identities. In some survivors, these colors are matched with gems. So in my system, purple is represented by Amethyst. What I am understanding about what purple means in my system is that it has to do with royalty, bloodlines, identification with immortal beings such as the Fae, in my

Guest Collage Showcase: Wolves in the House

2009-03-30T14:18:00.005-07:00

Today I am featuring a collage and accompanying comments from a fellow ritual abuse survivor. I wanted to showcase this collage because it speaks to something that is very important for people to know, especially churchgoing people. I can attest to the fact that what LJ Homesteader testifies to is happening. I can attest to it because I was once involved in the orchestration of infiltration of

Ancient Celtic Faith

2009-03-17T13:48:00.006-07:00

Ancient Celtic Faith - by ElianaHephzibah on Polyvore.com I look back today to all of the Celtic Saints who went before and brought Christ to the Celtic peoples. They are my heritage, and their faith is my heritage. Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Government Exploitation

2009-03-17T12:41:00.006-07:00

Government Exploitation - by ElianaHephzibah on Polyvore.com How dare a government exploit it's civilians and pose as rescuers. The skeletons are bursting out of the closet. But we are free.

Safe and Sound: A Video Letter To My Sister

2009-03-03T13:09:00.006-08:00

When one speaks up about having been abused, the family system often exiles that member. This is what happened to me and as such I was deprived of the "normal" ways that people grieve, socially. I did not have a last visit or conversation with my dying father, nor will I attend the funeral. In truth, the only thing there is to grieve is that which I never had.... a healthy relationship with a

The Circle Game

2009-01-12T09:11:00.001-08:00

The Circle Game by ElianaHephzibah And the seasons they go round and round And the painted ponies go up and down Were captive on the carousel of time We cant return we can only look behind From where we came And go round and round and round In the circle game

Polyvore: A Site For Creativity... That and How I Met God

2009-01-11T11:38:00.007-08:00

God Calling by ElianaHephzibah A friend sent me a link to this site today. Polyvore is a site that is great for creating digital collages straight from the internet. You can select and save images from around the web and assemble them into a canvas. This is my first experiment with this site. It is a picture of how I first met God. I was 9 years old and on a school field trip. I kept hearing

Trauma and Recovery: Read It Now On Questia

2008-12-20T05:26:00.003-08:00

Questia is the first online library that provides 24/7 access to the world's largest online collection of books and journal articles in the humanities and social sciences, plus magazine and newspaper articles. You can search each and every word of all of the books and journal articles in the collection. You can read every title cover to cover. Now you can read Judith Herman's landmark book, "

Smart-Talks- Stop Ritual Abuse and Mind Control Today

2008-09-24T11:02:00.004-07:00

You can now listen to or download the SMART conference presentations online here. I attended the conference this year and found it to be of such value. I wanted others who could not attend to be able to hear and grow from these presentations also. Dare to be Aware!

CDs Available of Presentations from the 2008 SMART Conference

2008-09-24T08:21:00.004-07:00

CD Order Form for The Eleventh Annual Ritual Abuse, Secretive Organizations and Mind Control Conference - 2008 Ritual Abuse Conference 2008 Some of the topics discussed on these CDs may be very triggering. These CDs are educational and not intended as therapy or treatment. Statements made on these CDs are the speaker's own statements only and don't necessarily represent the policies or views of

Organizing to Fight the Reality of Extreme Abuse

2008-08-31T11:49:00.002-07:00

Personal survivor reflections of attending the annual SMART conference. This is an organization dedicated to fighting the reality of ritual abuse and mind control. read more | digg story

The Betrayer

2008-08-24T19:44:00.003-07:00

What should I write on this blog anymore? I realize that anything I say can and will be used against me. I realize that over and over people I trusted have betrayed me. This has become normal fact of life. The

Sexual Slavery Abroad and at Home

2008-03-01T10:11:00.008-08:00

Slaves to the Goddess of Fertility In southern India, " devadasis" are literally slaves of the goddess. When girls dedicated to Yellama reach puberty they are forced to sacrifice their virginity to an older man. What follows is a life of sexual slavery, they become sanctified prostitutes. read more | digg story A "Foreign" Phenomena? It is a safe bet that the majority of Americans reading the

When The Psychiatric Cure Is The Disease

2007-11-26T15:03:00.001-08:00

When the Psychiatric Cure Is the DiseaseA therapy long used to dredge up painful and buried memories might itself traumatize patients and require more treatment to deal with the consequences, write psychology professors Scott O. Lilienfeld and Kelly Lambert in Scientific American Mind. Recovered-memory therapy has come under increasing fire over the past decade and is being used less and less.

Book Review: Apocalypse 2012- A Scientific Investigation Into Civilization's End

2007-09-10T13:30:00.001-07:00

Apocalypse 2012 is a book published in 2007 by Morgan Road Books. The Author is Lawrence E. Joseph, a journalist and science consultant. He has written extensively on scientific matters, and is currently the chairman of the board of Aerospace Consulting Corporation in Albuquerque, New Mexico. The book is non-fiction, and is geared towards adults with an analytical bent, who wish to enter into an

Putting Off The Old...Embracing The New

2007-08-01T11:51:00.001-07:00

Greetings All! Since today is Lammas/Lughnasadh I thought it fitting to announce a major turning point or change regarding myself and my identity. First a word about the pagan holiday of Lammas/Lughnasadh. It is one of the major eight high sabbats, and it marks the halfway point in the year, which is divided in two balanced parts. The first half of the year is considered the "light" half, and

More Than Meets The Eye--The Two Levels Of Occult Involvement

2007-05-26T11:00:00.001-07:00

Most organizations that practice some form of Occultism or Neo-Paganism; and Fraternal Societies, as well as some segments of other religions, consist of two rings of involvement. If the group emphasizes graduating up through higher levels, and involves any level of required secrecy, it will most likely have the two ring system, generally speaking. The First Ring The first ring is the public