Sunday, February 28, 2010

Hopeless Wishes

Today is the first anniversary of my father's death. I was not there. I was forbidden from being there to punish me for standing up for the truth. But he died a long, long time ago. What happened last year was only the death of the last, hidden vestige of hope.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

The Middle Place

Tonight, the eager audience will be graced with the presence of the Archangel Michael. But here 'you' are, waiting in the middle place; a place of Nothingness. And the terror you feel is myriad: What if I never am allowed to return? What if I am stuck here in this Netherworld? Is this what Hell is... a vast Nothingness?

Every time I perform this role, I die. And when I return, it is to a hollow, polluted “container”; a place of only temporary existence. When I return.... if I return.... I may be told what took place while 'I' was gone, or I may not. In truth, I have learned not to really care. I just want it to stop.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Falling Awake From Amnesia

When trauma has been dissociated during childhood, it surfaces usually in adulthood, beginning as dreams that continue with snippets of memory...much like a puzzle. Nights become entrenched with viewing and feeling the fear seeping through. This is an attempt to reflect a typical night for someone with DID as memories begin to process.

Thank you, Grace, for putting these truths into art we can relate to.

The Rainbow Coalition

Monday, February 01, 2010

The Music of the Spheres

The other day, a very terrible memory of group sexual abuse was creeping into my consciousness and I was struggling to accept it. I was feeling the contamination of it and realizing that I am less dissociated now.