I Dreamed I Saw A Great Wave...

I Dreamed I Saw A Great Wave... by ElianaHephzibah on Polyvore.com

This quote, said by Eowyn in the film version of the Lord of the Rings, is actually said by the character Faramir in the books by J.R.R. Tolkien. Tolkien stated that he included this dream in his books from his own personal experience which was also passed on to his son. Both father and son had dreams of great waves of destruction, what Tolkien referred to as his "Atlantis Hauntings".

"This legend or myth or dim memory of some ancient history has always troubled me. In sleep I had the dreadful dream of the ineluctable Wave, either coming out of the quiet sea, or coming in towering over the green inlands. It still occurs occasionally, though now exorcized by writing about it. It always ends by surrender, and I awake gasping out of deep water. I used to draw it or write bad poems about it."
– J.R.R. Tolkien, Letter 257

I too have had these dreams of great waves on more than one occasion. I personally feel they are portents of things to come; maybe not literal waves, but something overwhelming just the same.

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The Dark Ones

The Dark Ones by ElianaHephzibah on Polyvore.com

This is a depiction of the first time I knowingly made contact with my internal cult created alter systems and associated internal landscape.

The woman in the collage is a representation of Becky, whose name was later changed to Rebecca. She called herself a "system liason". A kind of forward ambassador whose mission was to break through to me and start to make me aware of my true history that was split off from my awareness.

I met her in this internal library that looked like the one in the collage. She was actually sitting in the chair but I couldn't find the right image for the collage.

When I heard the words at that time, "The Dark Ones" I was filled with dread and anger that there was a whole terrible level of abuse that I was unaware of. I had been already dealing with memories of sexual abuse within the family for many years.

This suggested something far more sinister was at play here. How terribly right that was.

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Grace's Abode

Grace's Abode by ElianaHephzibah on Polyvore.com

Many persons with complex DID have internal landscapes that are created in the mind to be able to hold parts and feelings and places that are too much for a child to deal with.

This is part of mine.

Grace was found to be residing in a replica of Glastonbury Abbey which was surrounded by a deep, dark forest in which many feelings were free-floating and suspended.

Grace's role is what therapists have called an "internal self helper". She holds much wisdom and faith and knows much, if not all about our collective history, parts, and systems.

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I Won't Back Down

I Won't Back Down by ElianaHephzibah on Polyvore.com

Well I won't back down, no I won't back down
you could stand me up at the gates of hell
but I won't back down

Gonna stand my ground, won't be turned around
and I'll keep this world from draggin' me down
gonna stand my ground and I won't back down

Chorus
Hey baby, there ain't no easy way out
hey I will stand my ground
and I won't back down

Well I know what's right, I got just one life
in a world that keeps on pushin' me around
but I'll stand my ground and I won't back down

Hey baby there ain't no easy way out
hey I will stand my ground
and I won't back down
No, I won't back down

Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers

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Living Life Behind My Own Back- Home By The Sea

I've been realizing lately that as a person with a fragmented and externally sculpted identity (I've begun to refer to my disorder as "designer" DID), my insiders (alter selves) have been trying to communicate their plight to me for years. I heard them, but didn't understand the message back then. I just knew I was drawn to certain songs that I listened to over and over because I knew they contained a message to me. Now I am beginning to understand.

One such song is "Home By The Sea" by Genesis. I was drawn to this song way back when I bought the LP record in 1983. Now I understand how it was giving voice to other parts of me trapped in a shadow world and unable to escape. I lived this way for 39 years before finally waking up and leaving the nightmare.

This collage is an image of my life trapped in that reality. It is best viewed while listening to the song that inspired it. I would suggest opening another tab and listening while looking at the collage. [The lyrics follow the collage, below]

Home By The Sea

Living Life Behind My Own Back by ElianaHephzibah on Polyvore.com

Creeping up the blind side, shinning up the wall
Stealing thru the dark of night
Climbing thru a window, stepping to the floor
Checking to the left and the right
Picking up the pieces, putting them away
Something doesnt feel quite right

Help me someone, let me out of here
Then out of the dark was suddenly heard
Welcome to the home by the sea

Coming out the woodwork, thru the open door
Pushing from above and below
Shadows but no substance, in the shape of men
Round and down and sideways they go
Adrift without direction, eyes that hold despair
Then as one they sign and they moan

Help us someone, let us out of here
Living here so long undisturbed
Dreaming of the time we were free
So many years ago
Before the time when we first heard
Welcome to the home by the sea

Sit down sit down
Sit down sit down sit down
As we relive our lives in what we tell you

Images of sorrow, pictures of delight
Things that go to make up a life
Endless days of summer longer nights of gloom
Waiting for the morning light
Scenes of unimportance, photos in a frame
Things that go to make up a life

Help us someone, let us out of here
Cos living here so long undisturbed
Dreaming of the time we were free
So many years ago
Before the time when we first heard
Welcome to the home by the sea

Sit down sit down
Sit down sit down sit down sit down
As we relive out lives in what we tell you
Let us relive out lives in what we tell you

Sit down sit down sit down
Cos you wont get away
No with us you will stay
For the rest of your days - sit down
As we relive our lives in what we tell you
Let us relive our lives in what we tell you

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