Saturday, August 15, 2009

What Happened to Me?

By: Seth Age 8

One night in early 2005, before I had any memories of ritual abuse/cult abuse, I was at work and suddenly a show came on the TV and broke through to my conscious awareness. The man on the show said, "Satanic Ritual Abuse does exist and I am going to prove it to you right now..." When I heard that, I just froze and could not move. After a few minutes I was able to woodenly put my hands over my ears and walk out of the room. I stood in the hall like that for a little while, but when I took my hands off of my ears, I could still hear the TV talking about this terrible subject. My hands came up over my ears again, but this time, panic took over and my legs propelled me down the hallway, not under my own control. As I was running down the hall, I began sobbing uncontrollably, but didn't know why. A disconnected part of me watched what my body and emotions were doing and experiencing with horror and confusion, not understanding what this was all about.

I could not stop shaking and crying and had to go home early. While I was resting in another room waiting for my husband to pick me up, this urgent need came over me to draw a picture. I had a sense it was someone within me. The person inside insisted they needed crayons or other colored pens. There were none to be had and I told them so, and what they had to depict was so urgent they started to draw it in my mind.

When I got home, I allowed the part to come out and put on paper what they wanted to draw and this set is a polyvore copy of that drawing as close as I could come. It is pretty much the exact thing that was drawn. The part who drew it put his name on the back and his age.

I was horrified and extremely fearful about what this scene was obviously depicting. Obviously, something more than just run-of-the-mill child abuse in the home had happened to me. Something more sinister and organized.

I guess you could say this drawing was one of the key things that launched me on the harrowing journey of discovery that I am still on. Much of the symbolism in this picture is still a mystery to me.

I welcome any interpretive feedback anyone has for me.


Nikki said...

I have a few observations. It's interesting you used eight faces, eight pairs of crosses and eight flames of fire. I don't have a chance to look further right at this moment, but I do have some other thoughts and I will share them. I wish you peace tonight.

J.A.C. said...

Hi I came across your blog today and wanted to thank you so much for such an informative piece of work.
At present I am very proactive in the upholding of Human Rights for Asylum Seekers in the UK although my main job makes it increasingly difficult to do so,and I am not high profile which makes a massive difference. Many of those with whom I work suffer from PTSD and have deep rooted issues that when manifested are difficult to manage. Your blog was very informative and well put together and I would really like to follow it. Also I would like to make some suggestions about it if I may.
Often when trauma or similar things happen we can bury them deep down in the subconscious so that we dont have to look or confront them. When you saw an issue of ritual abuse discussed on TV, this would indicate that a real live person was standing up and discussing the very issue that you had maybe tried to avoid for years and of course you would not want to listen. Your actual issue may not have been ritual abuse but something in that subject triggered off an emotion in you and sent you into panic.
The desire to draw a picture (with crayons) suggests that you were transported back to an event in childhood and it would be easier to portray it than to actually say it if that makes sense?
Children are often afraid to speak out but if they draw a picture and leave it somewhere, the issue might be discovered by what is in the picture.
I really hope this makes sense and sorry if its a bit long winded. I would really like to follow this blog and wish you all the best.
Maybe you could check out mine and possibly become a follower, you would be most welcome. Thank you again.

Nikki said...

I'm sorry I couldn't get back sooner. One thing I notice about the crosses is that they separate you from the fire. Unconsciously it could be God showing you that ultimately evil will not touch you. Also, there are two crosses for every flame and face, showing God is bigger than us and He's bigger than anything that may try to touch us. The four pictures at the bottom make me think of the four seasons. Cult life never gets a vacation - it's all year. There's other ways to depict spring besides rabbits/Easter. The cult is big on killing rabbits and also Easter, in particular, is a nasty time in terms of cult holidays. There's other ways to depict summer besides a forest. State parks and other outdoor places are significant during nicer times of year. Same with the fall picture. Why a barn? There are other ways to depict the fall season. Barns are also popular for rituals. They are private, plus they are convenient during colder weather. I don't have any particular opinion on the snowman. It represents winter well, though. I don't think I need to comment on the table, chalice and cloaks. They speak for themselves, unfortunately. I think Seth is super brave for being so honest with you. Seth, you rock! :)

Eliana Hephzibah said...

Thanks for the feedback, Nikki. Great questions to get one thinking too.

Eliana Hephzibah said...

JAC- Thanks for the feedback. You are very right about the subconscious and about how children "tell". So glad that you are involved with helping trauma survivors. I look forward to following your work.

I so wish the reaction that I had was from something other than ritual abuse. How I wish that with all my heart. My knowledge of my ritual abuse history does not come from just this one event, however. Indeed, it has unfolded since this heralding event and at present has filled 9 volumes of journals. To explain all of the incidents and information that has come to me from inside would take hours, literally.

Peace to you.