Saturday, August 15, 2009
What Happened to Me?
By: Seth Age 8
One night in early 2005, before I had any memories of ritual abuse/cult abuse, I was at work and suddenly a show came on the TV and broke through to my conscious awareness. The man on the show said, "Satanic Ritual Abuse does exist and I am going to prove it to you right now..." When I heard that, I just froze and could not move. After a few minutes I was able to woodenly put my hands over my ears and walk out of the room. I stood in the hall like that for a little while, but when I took my hands off of my ears, I could still hear the TV talking about this terrible subject. My hands came up over my ears again, but this time, panic took over and my legs propelled me down the hallway, not under my own control. As I was running down the hall, I began sobbing uncontrollably, but didn't know why. A disconnected part of me watched what my body and emotions were doing and experiencing with horror and confusion, not understanding what this was all about.
I could not stop shaking and crying and had to go home early. While I was resting in another room waiting for my husband to pick me up, this urgent need came over me to draw a picture. I had a sense it was someone within me. The person inside insisted they needed crayons or other colored pens. There were none to be had and I told them so, and what they had to depict was so urgent they started to draw it in my mind.
When I got home, I allowed the part to come out and put on paper what they wanted to draw and this set is a polyvore copy of that drawing as close as I could come. It is pretty much the exact thing that was drawn. The part who drew it put his name on the back and his age.
I was horrified and extremely fearful about what this scene was obviously depicting. Obviously, something more than just run-of-the-mill child abuse in the home had happened to me. Something more sinister and organized.
I guess you could say this drawing was one of the key things that launched me on the harrowing journey of discovery that I am still on. Much of the symbolism in this picture is still a mystery to me.
I welcome any interpretive feedback anyone has for me.