Tuesday, February 21, 2006

The Endless Parade

This journey is one of ever increasing complexity, and one of never ending horrors. They march by endlessly, like some kind of macabre parade that you have no choice but to attend. You are forced to stand along the street in the cold, dark night as gruesome scenes, monsters, and evil spectres pass by one after the other, on and on and on. You look up the street in the direction from which the parade is coming and it continues on as far as one can see. It is obvious that it won't be over any time soon.
You get so weary standing there but the ground is snowy and wet so you can
only stand. The longer you stand, the colder you become. Soon you are shivering and can hardly feel your hands and face, but still the terrible scenes march by. You start to really worry about whether you are going to be able to make it through this before you freeze to death. It just never ends.

You wish you could at least see something beautiful and comforting at least once. Maybe then you could glean a little warmth and hope to endure, but there is nothing like that in sight. Someone comes alongside you and offers you a pair of mittens which you gladly accept. They immediately make things just a little more bearable. You might still freeze to death, but at least the imminent threat of frostbite is curtailed. The person tells you that they drove by the parade staging grounds on the way here and that, yes, it is far up the street, but there aren't unlimited entries. They reassure you that the parade won't go on forever and that you won't freeze, but you don't know whether to believe what they are saying or not. After all, it is easy for them to be optimistic if they have seen how far it is, and when they are dressed warmer than you and haven't had to stand there as long as you have. When you look up all you can see is the endlessness of it obscured in the darkness. Do you believe what they say and relax in peace knowing that there is an end and that you will survive? Or do you rely more on your own perceptions which, granted, are coloured
and amplified by weariness, fear, pain, discouragement, and hopelessness? All you can see and experience right now is freezing cold darkness, and incredulous disgust and fear over what you are forced to stand and witness over and over. Some of the scenes are so complex and weird that you doubt that what your eyes are seeing is even real. You wonder in amazement at the twisted creativity that you see, and can't seem to understand how one would even be able to pull off things so fantastic. There are beings and things that you observe which everyone else believes to be extinct or impossible, but there they are in front of you. You cannot deny what you see without questioning your own sanity.

You wish so much that you could just be like everyone else, not seeing, or knowing. There they sit, warm in their houses not being forced to accept that the world is full of impossible possibilities, and that some have to stand in the cold darkness with no knowledge of how long they will be required to be there and unable to simply choose to leave. You stand and suffer and you begin to hate those people, warm in their houses, not being made to endure what you are enduring; not being forced to witness and believe what you are forced to witness and believe. The glaring
injustice of it all looms to swallow you like an insatiable dragon. This bitter pill scratches its way down your throat and reminds you over and over that even if you do make it out of here; even if the parade of horrors ends, none of the people in their warm protectedness will ever believe that the things that you bear witness to are real. More than likely, they won't even believe that you have been standing here all of this time.

Is there a light in the darkness? Will the night ever end? Will the sun ever come up? Will I ever be comfortable? Will I ever feel safe? Will I ever be warm? Will spring eventually overcome the long and seemingly endless winter? I know misery and hardship so well, but will I ever know joy and lasting peace? I wonder all of these things and ponder them in my heart, but the parade goes on............




Hmmmmm.......Came upon this unexpectedly. Is there a hint here?

9 comments:

Sally said...

Ahhhh Severina, I hear you and all I can do is come near and give you my warmth, blanket you in prayer, cover you with love, and pray in hope when your hope is wanning. Do not despair of ever feeling warm my friend ... His glory shines warm and it is all around you ... I pray it comes near to your heart and can be seen by your eyes ...I just thought of the words of a worship song and I will make them a prayer for you .... "Show me Your glory, send down Your presence I wanna see Your face" Amen ...so be it Lord .....

Kirk said...

Prayers of faith, hope, love, peace, and joy are being sent to shift the direction of the jet stream in order to bring warm breezes to refresh and sustain you. May Jesus be your focal point to shift your attention from your present agony to the power and warmth of His love and truth. He is able.

You are not alone, Severina. You are never alone. Though distance may separate, the Comforter will never leave you.

WarriorBride said...

You are not alone. My own parade hasn't even really begun, but I know that it's in the staging area. I can feel it. And I'm standing in the cold with you. I may not have anything to offer right now to help you stay warm, but I can offer my presence. Know that I'm here.

Ramsey said...

Severina - We will never forget you and yours. We will always pray for your safe deliverance. You are not alone. Your Savior stands with you, and so do we.

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mondo said...

YOu may be bringing this upon yourself with your knack of postering to know all the answers. I have seen examples of this in your comments around the net.

Maybe it's simple. Get out of the cold. Look at your life choices. Your hobbies, likes, and such. Maybe this isn't the answer to your particular coldness, but it would be to many others.

Yet here in this Endless Parade you ask all these questions and then imply dissapointment at cancellation? Curious. Which side of this is you? Is this a snare? A red herring?


Two quotes come to mind...
'Beware the beast man, for he is the devil's pawn. Alone among God's primates,he kills for sport, or lust or greed. Yes, he will murder his brother to possess his brother's land. Let him not breed in great numbers, for he will make a desert of his home and yours. Shun him. Drive him back into his jungle lair: For he is the harbinger of death'.

YOu can't in all honesty dispute this. Especially now with the worst of your kind that you have been manipulated by with all this counterculture "goth" independance.

And then...

"When you call yourself an Indian or a Muslim or a Christian or a European, or anything else, you are being violent. Do you see why it is violent? Because you are separating yourself from the rest of mankind. When you separate yourself by belief, by nationality, by tradition, it breeds violence. So a man who is seeking to understand violence does not belong to any country, to any religion, to any political party or partial system; he is concerned with the total understanding of mankind." - J. Krishnamurt

I thought these are appropriate regarding certain Anonymous gnostics.

Maybe a Laura Lee outlook and openness might serve you better than passing judgements and mocking others beliefs in a veiled manner?

mondo said...

This is really good and I concur. That feeling of the initial jar of the reality of the Matrix made me feel like this and still does. Bravo, and again, accept my apologies for making assumptions on your part. You sure bare your soul more than Jeff Well's RI site. (which is how I got here)

Again my apologies. This bears repeating though...


You wish so much that you could just be like everyone else, not seeing, or knowing. There they sit, warm in their houses not being forced to accept that the world is full of impossible possibilities, and that some have to stand in the cold darkness with no knowledge of how long they will be required to be there and unable to simply choose to leave. You stand and suffer and you begin to hate those people, warm in their houses, not being made to endure what you are enduring; not being forced to witness and believe what you are forced to witness and believe. The glaring
injustice of it all looms to swallow you like an insatiable dragon. This bitter pill scratches its way down your throat and reminds you over and over that even if you do make it out of here; even if the parade of horrors ends, none of the people in their warm protectedness will ever believe that the things that you bear witness to are real. More than likely, they won't even believe that you have been standing here all of this time.

Is there a light in the darkness? Will the night ever end? Will the sun ever come up? Will I ever be comfortable? Will I ever feel safe? Will I ever be warm? Will spring eventually overcome the long and seemingly endless winter? I know misery and hardship so well, but will I ever know joy and lasting peace? I wonder all of these things and ponder them in my heart, but the parade goes on............

audio books said...
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Severina said...

Hello Mondo.
Thank you for all your comments. Thank you also for looking a little deeper into some of my writing. This post was written out of a lot of my pain feelings that I was struggling with at the time. I don't always stay there, thank goodness. I am not expressing true hatred and judgment of others, more the feeling of intense injustice that I feel over having to live the kind of life which I have been given.

But it does bring to mind a quote from Lord of the Rings:

Frodo: I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened.

Gandalf: So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. There are other forces at work in this world Frodo, besides the will of evil. Bilbo was meant to find the Ring. In which case, you were also meant to have it. And that is an encouraging thought.