Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Carousel- The Experience of Programming

[Caution: this article describes the subjective experience of a child enduring mind control programming. It may be triggering to survivors of this kind of trauma and should be read with caution, and with a safe supporter accessible]

Most who know me, know that one of my main personas is a gothic one, and that I also love a huge eclectic mix of music. I especially love to collect songs which have personal meaning to me, which is why I often like to write about the songs that touch me, and talk about what they mean to me.

One song in particular which I have really resonated with, but which is also very haunting and disturbing.... and for good reason, is by a band called Siouxsie and the Banshees. The song is called Carousel, from the album, Peepshow.
The lyrics are as follows:

You clamber up
And look behind
Their watchful eyes
The helping hands
A hen that's fierce
And painted blue
With red eyes
Wants to swallow you
A dragon dives and soars on tracks
The hands that strap you to its back
You turn around and look behind
Their smiling eyes
Won't help you down

Their tiny hands
Their tiny feet
Such little hearts
To miss a beat

Grotesque dwarves in mirrored rooms
Pulled and taut a thousand yous
Staring back through stinging tears
Remembering those funhouse thrills

The paintbox tunes and wild balloons
Their watchful eyes, you start to swoon
Oh painted vile in lurid hue
The snarling horse that waits for you

Its motor whirrs and colours curl
Inside your head the monsters whirl
Its motor whirrs and colours curl
Inside your head the monsters whirl

In sucked out
Time stood still
Roundabout back
Time stood still
And you remember it well

My commentary on this song from the perspective of an unfortunate survivor, and current overcomer of formal mind control programming, is most likely the most unusual take on this song out there.

The instrumental introduction to the song sets the creepy and disturbing mood perfectly, in that it is a blend of the happy music box sounding music of a carousel, overlaid with spooky, surreal synthesizer. This captures wonderfully the feelings of a warped childhood. Things which should have been happy and fun are twisted and used to terrorize. The lyrics capture the programming experience so well. The people who are supposed to love you and care for you always watchful, but never helpful. Surreal and scary imagery of childhood "friends" and normally friendly characters bringing danger and malice. Being strapped to "the dragon" is symbolic of being physically restrained and subjected to devilish torture. "Their tiny hands and feet" describe the subjective experience of the child as she dissociates from her body, which gives the illusion and perception of things seeming far away and small. The phrase, "Their little hearts", speaks to the perception of the child that those who are supposed to care and protect her have no true love to give, and indeed, as they are allowing this nightmare, they must not care, it seems. They smile and even speak encouragement, but all the while hurting you and not rescuing you.

The trauma results in the fragmentation of the mind and personality into separate parts, and when this happens, the child finds herself inside an inner landscape of confusion. The experience of being shattered into many shards, is communicated by the feeling one would have inside a room full of mirrors. The child looks around and sees duplicate images of herself everywhere, and isn't even sure which one is real, which is her. Or, are they all her? The programmers working with the child who, by the way, have induced this fragmentation of personality deliberately, through some combination of drugs, hypnosis, trauma, and electroshock; "pull out" a new alter, and teach him or her their new job and purpose, and tell them what their identity consists of.

The child, in this experience, is totally overwhelmed and confused by the mixture of good/bad and fun/terror, which characterizes their whole existence. There comes a surreal loss of grip on reality where everything swirls and melds together. Often hallucinagenic drugs are used which alter one's perceptions, so that colors become more vivid and seem to melt into one another. Eventually, the extreme trauma may cause the child to begin to lose consciousness, in other words, "start to swoon".

All the while, people are there, ever watching, but never comforting; giving you over to this sinister insanity and terror, for some "greater good". The whirling chaos creates a tormented mind full of haunting "monsters". The alters created in this experience live in a perpetual frozen state, where time stands still, but at the same time, seems to go around and around, in a never ending evil carnival ride, from which one feels that they will never, ever escape. As one looks back, the pain and terror are overwhelming and you find yourself "staring back through stinging tears".

I know that this all sounds like an unbelievable experience, but here it has been described enough to get some idea of what it is like to live through these things. The good news is that no one is trapped, ultimately. That message is a lie and all part of the illusion. If one keeps pressing on, and searching for truth, they will see their way out, and one by one, the tormented alter personalities can reconnect with thier true history and identity, and learn that they do not have to be slaves to evil puppetmasters, and healing can slowly occur. It is long and difficult, but it can be acheived.

I felt that it was important to communicate to those who would listen, what it is like for many children who, even now, as I am writing this, are suffering the very same things, while living submerged in a world of darkness from which they feel there is no escape. It is my hope that enough people can become educated about this, help survivors to escape the nightmare, and rise up and put a stop to the madness. I am not the only one, by any means, who has endured these horrific experiences and it is the stuff of reality, not some imaginary sci-fi movie.

I pray for freedom for the captives.

Here is a good article describing the methods, uses, and types of programming:

Recognizing And Classifying Programming


blue said...

thank you Severina for sharing your thoughts with us,,, i read you

mondo said...

Yes. We have similiar viewpoints on this subject. Though I would be hard pressed to think Siouxsie would knowingly participate in anything Tavistock orientated. Even by this time of Carousel. Even now. One sure sign is age/life enhancement. Does she look in her late 40's or does greedy elitist life extension rearing it's ugly head? I don't know. I haven't seen the Banshee's play since the mid 80's.

I will have to keep reading of you a re a survivor of MK. If you are, you're a brave and unique individual that I only hope is not still some form of mouse trap. It is well known that training centers around this. Entraping new recruits and victims. I truly hope this isn't so, but I had my doubts upon arriving at this blog from what I'd read of comments you've made towards others who are neutral and simply interested in the subject. Any hostility I've ever encountered myself was simply for shedding light on this subject from an outsiders point of view. It's a dangerous world these days and I should have had the wisdom of trudging more carefully in the beginning. "they" seem to be everywhere.

mondo said...

One more thing, you're great description of the songs mood makes me think of Happy House as well. Same feelings. Did you ever get any weirdness from that Banshee song?

Aaron said...

Eh. I just got referred here. I haven't read that much yet. But I wanted to leave a note. I am a "multiple" as well. "PhoenixBirdsCantComeBack" at myspace.com.

I am definitely going to check out the resources you have listed - and I wanted to thank you for your bravery and honesty.



P.S. Still working on my page. So it's not completely finished. But then again, appropriately enough - it is never finished. Keep having this darn impulse to rewrite it over and over and over again.. Shucks.

Severina said...

Yeah. I just looked at "Happy House" lyrics. Yes, I agree. Pretty creepy! I have to dig up the CD soon though and check out again how it sounds. I'm planning a post about Pink Floyd. I would bet money that Waters is a multiple. He is telling us his story, to some extent in Dark Side of the Moon and for sure in The Wall.

Severina said...

Thanks for reading! I am developing a myspace site, which will basically have a mirror of this blog. I looked at your site, and have some comments which I will put there when I have time. Hope to get to know you more.


The_Ish said...

I believe I was programmed as a child using an actual carousel.