Chilling Reality

I wrote this back in the beginning of May, the day after my daughter's attemped abduction. Since then, I have noticed so many stories in the news media about abduction. I don't know if it is happening more, or if I am just noticing it more, because of what happened to us. I would welcome any insights.

It was the hallmark event for an extremely tumultuous month, where I hung on for dear life, and thankfully made it through a much stronger person. I posted it back then on live journal, but I thought I would put it here. It stands as a reminder of the reality of this situation, and the war that is underway.



Yes, I asked for it and I got it.
I wanted confirmation that I was not imagining these things.
I wanted to know if it was for real.
Was it real that I was the victim of a satanic cult/organization?
Is it true that I am programmed on many levels that I haven’t even begun to tap into yet?

And the biggest question of all……..Am I out?
Are they truly gone? Is it all in the past like people say?
Or is it not over?
Are they there? Do they know what I’m doing? Do they know where I’m at?
And the scariest one. Will they try to get me back? Will the living nightmare that was my childhood, every day of every season, of every year become reality once more? Was I just given a brief hiatus? I decided when I was 15 on my single purpose goal of getting out of that family, out of that town, and out of that state. I didn’t stop until it was realized. I thought I was free. Indeed I lived in not so blissful ignorance of the vast enormity of the situation. It was merciful. If I had known back then what is being revealed to me now in vague recollections, voices from the inside, impressions and intuitions, and now even overt reality, it would have swept me out to sea like a giant tidal wave, and I would have drowned without a life preserver.
But I do have a life preserver in the One who created me, the One whose plans for my life far supercede any diabolical scheme ever conceived in this realm. But, right now, I feel as if I am treading water, floating in my own sea of incredulity and disbelief. This One, who has given me the strength, the heart, and the will to pursue truth above all, seems so far as the Rulers of this Plane rise up in front of me like a threatening storm.

My daughter went to Chicago for a choir festival this weekend. She left Thursday, May 5, 2005. That was the day that I was crying out to God for something concrete to explain the madness. I wanted something that would convince me one way or another about the truth or delusion of my recent revelations. Well, I got it and I’m not so sure now that I really wanted to know.

She called Friday night, May 6. She had been having fun exploring the shopping district on Michigan Avenue. The “Magnificant Mile” they call it. Her friends wanted to browse around in the Marshall Fields department store. Her, being more of the artist and performer that she is, was more interested in the street performers who were entertaining the passing shoppers with their dancing.

That was when things started to get surreal and strange. That is when the crack in her denial that any of the horrors her mother endured had anything at all to do with her split wide open.

A middle aged middle class type of woman creeped up close to her, getting in her personal space. The woman had a large shopping bag that she placed her purse into and leaned in, pressing the bag into C--. C--, indignant at the intrusion, asked what the woman was doing, who then replied with an annoyed tone, “Get out of here.” “Why?” stated C---, “I’m not doing anything wrong.” “Yes, you are” was the response. When the ire of the teenage girl arose, and she began to protest, the woman said, “I have a car down the street coming to get you, so you’d better leave now.” C---, still not understanding who this seemingly normal maniac was and where she was getting off, saying such things, just sat there, puzzled and perplexed. The woman then said the chilling words that were meant for my ears to eventually hear. The words which have haunted me and reverberated through my very soul every day of my life, whether I was consciously aware of them or not, “We are everywhere. We know where you are and we’re coming to get you.”

Now, the crack becomes a gaping chasm through which C--- starts to fall, and through which we are all continuing to fall. Now we all know that this is no fantasy. These aren’t the paranoid delusions of a disturbed woman. Oh, that they were, then the antipsychotics would simply silence them, but no, this is reality, like it or not.

C---, then breaks down into a ball weeping and shaking, when her friends, coming out from their shopping, see what’s going on and try to intervene. They confront the woman and tell her to leave their friend alone. She steps away, closer to the performers to mask her conversation that she is now initiating on her cell phone. One of the friends overhears what she says however, “We have her here, I see her, and we can get her.” All the while the woman, whose eyes would be described later by the students who stood witness to this bizarre drama as “not there”, “disturbing”, like “her sanity had been stripped from her, and not of her own volition.” I guess you had to be there, although, I know those eyes from many in my lifetime. They are as familiar to my memory as the pristine Pikes Peak under whose shadow I used to live and whose magnificence was a daily part of my every day life. But alas, one more beautiful thing that has been taken from me by them. Yes, I know just what they are struggling to describe.

There she stands with those eyes cold and calculating as those of the snake, staring at C---, huddled in there in abject terror; and she’s smiling. Not the warm nurturing smile of a kind woman, but the sinister, mocking “Cheshire Cat” smile of the diabolical. She is thoroughly amused by what she sees, the panic, the confusion, the pure incredulity of all involved.

Then, a “nice” young couple arrives on the scene. They show concern for the quivering girl and ask what’s wrong. When she tells them, they downplay things and state that the woman is just “crazy”. They tell C--- that they will take her home and start to hail a cab, while meanwhile most of the friends have gone into the store to fetch the authorities. C---, feeling all alone and scared and wanting someone to trust, gladly accepts the couple’s offer of escape. She just wants to get out of there, away from the woman, back to the safety of the hotel. They ask where she is staying and she tells them. Just then, the crowd of friends comes back out with the security guards and upon seeing the number of kids, the couple decide to instead give the cab driver money to take C--- and her friends back to the hotel, instead of they themselves escorting her there.

But, were they really an innocent, “nice” couple? Were their intentions really amiable? Or was this all part of the whole game. I, and those of us who have been a part of the dark world, know these games all too well: good cop/bad cop, abuser/rescuer, and cruel perpetrator/kind rescuer. It’s all part of the scheme of confusion, lies and deception. It is meant to perpetuate the feeling that no one can be trusted. Kindness cannot be discerned from malice. That’s the way the world is, when you are part of the diabolical underground kingdom of this world.

So, that’s where this story ends. But where will it lead? Is there more to come? Is there more fear, more confusion down the road. I think so. This is probably just the beginning. But they made one very grave mistake. They finally made believers of a whole lot of people who were sitting on the fence of disbelief and incredulity. We all now know that this is real, and far from being discouraged, it just makes us want to fight, and fight we will. I will never give up. I will never cave. They will never get me or my children, no matter what lengths have to be taken or what prices there are to pay; for my treasure is not on this earth, for my heart is in the Kingdom Eternal, and where my heart is, there my treasure will be also.

The battle has begun. We will win, and we will hurt them. I promise you that.

Severina
May 7, 2005

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Thoughts On The Meaning of Family

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)

In the wake of my Declaration of Independence from my family of origin, I have been faced with the question of just what defines the nature of the family.
The American Heritage Dictionary defines family this way:

Family

1. A fundamental social group in society typically consisting of one or two parents and their children.
2. Two or more people who share goals and values, have long-term commitments to one another, and reside usually in the same dwelling place.
a. All the members of a household under one roof.
b. A group of persons sharing common ancestry.
c. Lineage, especially distinguished lineage.
d. A locally independent organized crime unit, as of the Cosa Nostra.
e.
1. A group of like things; a class.
2. A group of individuals derived from a common stock: the family of human beings.

As an aside, I find it interesting that the dictionary includes in its definition, a larger group involved in shady doings, and requiring loyalty from its members. Sounds very familiar to me.

In the bible, the fourth in the ten commandments given to Israel by God states:

12 "Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you. Exodus 20:12 (NIV)

This is the basic rule from where we start. There are exceptions however, specifically if the family leads a member into disobedience of God, or otherwise blocks the person's relationship with Him, to whom the primary loyalty lies.

Jesus warned his disciples of the potential cost of choosing to follow him, and predicted the fallout that would occur in many families. I think that he wanted to impress upon them the magnitude of the commitment they were making to him. Making this choice, one may be required to part with loved ones, in order to follow him down the "narrow road". He has this to say:

"51Do you think I came to bring peace on earth? No, I tell you, but division. 52From now on there will be five in one family divided against each other, three against two and two against three. 53They will be divided, father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against mother, mother-in-law against daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law." Luke 12:51-53 (NIV)

The theologian John Calvin addressed the issue of the fourth commandment in his work entitled: Institutes of the Christian Religion. He has this to say regarding exemption from the usual way of following this commandment:

But we also ought in passing to note that we are bidden to obey our parents only "in the Lord" [ Ephesians 6:1]. This is apparent from the principle already laid down. For they sit in that place to which they have been advanced by the Lord, who shares with them a part of his honor. Therefore, the submission paid to them ought to be a step toward honoring that highest Father. Hence, if they spur us to transgress the law, we have a perfect right to regard them not as parents, but as strangers who are trying to lead us away from obedience to our true Father. So should we act toward princes, lords, and every kind of superiors. It is unworthy and absurd for their eminence so to prevail as to pull down the loftiness of God. On the contrary, their eminence depends upon God's loftiness and ought to lead us to it

.John Calvin's Institutes of the Christian Religion
Book One page 404

All of this having been said, I am at this time compelled to reconfigure my paradigm regarding the meaning of "family". The place where I start is me, my husband, our four children, two cats, and one dog. This is the basic family unit that I live with and am committed to. Even though these relationships are loving and committed ones, they don't fill the void left by the loss of my own extended family, so I am forced to think outside the box.

First a couple of thoughts on the nature of family:

Family isn't about whose blood you have. It's about who you care about.
Trey Parker and Matt Stone, South Park, Ike's Wee Wee, 1998

The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life. Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same roof.
Richard Bach, Illusions [1977]

The last couple of days have been ones where many people have professed love, caring, encouragement, admonishment and committment to me. Many have been fervently praying on my behalf, holding me up when I had no more strength to stand. They have stood by me, have seen my integrity, and have chosen to believe things that I testify to, things that almost unbelievable, just because they know me. They know my heart, and my soul, and can see that I seek truth above all things, and follow God wherever He leads even if the path seems at times unbearable.

So, I wanted to honor these special people, stretch my definition of "family" and choose these wonderful people as my family. They are a healing balm which fills the aching void.
Here are just some of the things that people have said to me, which have given me hope, and strength to continue on.

**The Lord showed me some things about your situation yesterday while I was
reading your post and responding to it.
You are under a huge spiritual attack. I can see it. But, be assured ... it
really is lifting. You're on the verge of a major spiritual breakthrough...

**Don't you give up. Don't you do it. Just don't you do that. I know how you feel.
Exactly how you feel. I really do... because I've been there and I don't know
but that I won't be there again. I've lost everything I've owned before..
literally. Everything I worked for -

**you know ... you really can choose your family.. choose a new one. I volunteer to be your family, I feel like I already am.

**Severina, you can't help anyone if you don't
have YOU.
With "you gone" ... what'll that do to everyone that loves you and is pulling
for you? I'll bet you don't even know what that would do to ME, do ya? I'll tell
you this much, I haven't known you very long but I care about you more than you
know and it would definitely do something to me. For the long term. So don't you
give up.
Get mad Severina. Get mad at them and stay mad. Do whatever you have to do, but
don't give up, my friend.
You can come up here. We've got room for you. You have options. You belong
to God, Severina and so... you have options. And THAT's another fact. He didn't
bring you this far to sit back and watch you go under.

**You can't pray it away alone... I do know that you can't do that alone... so
I'm praying with you and for you.

**You're going to get through this. I know that God has an interest in you and
some work you're about to do. Has to do with work you're already doing. I
think of the verse where David says he wouldn't offer Him a gift that cost
him nothing. And what a cost to you this is. It means more to God when it
costs us something. Even everything. And I feel that this is costing you
everything at this time. Everything is what He wants from us.

**I pray in the Name of my Lord Jesus Christ the Son of the Most High God....
Peace to you Severina. Peace.

**I really wanted to write you for a couple of reasons. First, to hold your arms up in prayer that the Lord would meet you and encourage you and strengthen you to overcome where you are at.

**I will hold you up in prayers. I wished you would have shared this earlier, so that
you would not have to go at this alone. I will cry out to God with you.

**((((((((((Severina))))))))))

**I will be praying for you. I will pray as soon as I send this
letter - which is 8pm your time. I'm in IN, so I'm an hour behind
you. I don't know if this sounds weird or not, but I know it makes
me feel good when I hear it - so in case you're like me, I go to bed
around 11 my time, and I will be praying for you then too. So if you
happen to look at your clock and you feel low, you can know someone
cares and is fighting for you.

Keep holding on....

**do not let these times of trouble be an inroad for the dark forces to rush in and get a foothold , a stronghold in your lives. your family is free of the cult and you are so intelligent to have come this far and learned so much of your programming . you must continue the therapy and fight the forces of darkness. this is an attack because you are winning ! remember this. the evil one does not like it when his captives get set free so he retaliates . you are tired and burned out. rest and let the troubles slide away. this too will pass. i will uphold you in our prayers my friend.

**I don't think it is any coincidence that after you did all that awesome work on your website ( that powerful declaration of YOUR independence) that you came under such a strong attack of despair and hopelessness. It made me think of the story of Elijah and what happened to him after he fought and won one of the most glorious battles of his life.

**You are a mighty woman of God and a big threat to the enemy!! He is just using the only tactics he has to defeat you ...... getting you to defeat yourself! But God knows and sees what is happening and he will come to your rescue with His provision for LIFE. You are soooooo loved and supported by so many. You have your own private cheerleading section!! RAH ! RAH ! (haha)

**dear severina, you are under attacks from the enemy and i agree with others who said your declaration of independence was a call to the dark forces to try and bring you down! do not let this happen my girl. you are from what i have seen of your posts, a strong intelligent and very courageous woman and i believe so very motivated to uncover your past and to heal and understand your programming that the demonic forces are enraged at you ! it means you are doing something right my friend and this attack , though fierce , will pass if you hang on . we are all here for you and its ok to be mad at God. he understands and He can take your rage and pain and still love you. i know how it hurts to not be validated by family members. to be told point blank that you basially are a lier or false memory or that you just simply do not see the past clearly at all.

**we are behind you praying and supporting you. i read your posts and they are reflective of a unusually insightful abuse survivor . i see you as having more than the average ability to unravel your programming and i,m sure the demonic sees it too and it worries them. so lets kick him in the behind and send them running ok???

**You're a threat, Severina. But God is going to take Satan's crap
and build into you into His marvelous plan here and on the other side.

**I believe in a God who cares and loves you and who has the power to do anything. That leaves me with the same question. Why? Why has your burden been so heavy? When will He help you to rejoice in each day? Is He trully as cruel as you believe or is there a larger reason for all the ordeals that you have endured? I don't know the answers either... The most powerful way that Jesus is able to transform lives is through love, indeed Paul tells us that love is even greater than faith or hope. I find myself at a loss of words except to tell you that you do matter and there are many things I find to love about you.
1) Your smile.
2) Your faith (even when hope eludes you).
3) Your sensitivity to the Holy Spirit.
4) Your voice (when you sing).
5) Your love for your children.
6) Your writing.
7) Your fun and expressive clothes.
8) Your care for your patients.
9) Your perserverance and search for truth.
10) Your willingness to share your struggles with others (like me).
Don't give up your fight Severina. Do not let fear win. When you stood up to sing at Frontline, evil lost ground. If you sit back down or, even more, back out of the fight, evil will reclaim its space. My world is brighter because I met you and am getting to know you. I know that I am not alone in that. I pray for the day that He will bring you wholeness and peace.
Your friend,
M

**I feel that I can freely tell you
I love you because of the histories we have so obviously shared/been
through.. and made it through.. .I feel a deep love and affection for anyone
who's made it through the things we've made it through... it means we're the
same kind of people. And I love you for that because it's such a rare thing
in the world today. I love you because of your courage and your faith, even
tho those things seem to you.. to be lacking in you... Severina, they're not
lacking in you at all and that comes out in the strength of your writings
and it comes out in your cries for help... it comes out in a lot of ways. I
love you because you're real. Real people are who they are and when that is
understood by other real people, love takes no time to develop. It just
happens and so, Severina, I love you because you're real. There's a love
that happens, a very deep bond that happens between people when they've been
or are going through a spiritual battle together. You and I are going
through this spiritual battle together and I feel that bond and I feel that
love for you.

**I wanted to reach out to you in your anguish and let you know I care. What is MOST important is that you believe yourself. To heck with anyone who tries to paint a rosey picture for you, of what your childhood was like. You know different, and that's what matters. I would urge you to continue to work on your issues and heal, dispite your family and what they claim things were like for you.

**Every day, when I check my email, I hope there's one from you. Talking with you helps me know that I'm not alone, that there's someone out there who understands. Please don't take that away. You give me hope, just by surviving.

**It was very late last night. All I remember, as I wrote, was feeling
God's throbbing heartbeat for Severina. He loves her very deeply.

**R-- here. I read your note and M--- reply over her shoulder.
I've been praying about it since then, and I had several phrases come to mind. One of them was "broken chains." A quick Google Image search gave me the attached picture. It captures very well my mental images and best wishes for you.

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A Personal Declaration of Independence

When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for an individual to dissolve the familial bonds that have connected her to them, and to assume among the peoples of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle her, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that she should declare the causes which impel her to the separation.

I hold these truths to be self-evident, that all people are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness. That to secure these rights, families are instituted among people, deriving their just Powers from the consent of God and their progeny. – That whenever any family system becomes destructive to these ends, it is the right of the individual to alter or to abolish their ties to it, and to institute a new family, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to her shall seem most likely to effect her Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that family ties long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that individuals are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the relationships to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce her under absolute Despotism, it is her right, it is her duty, to throw off such a family system, and to provide for herself, new guards for her future security---Such has been the patient sufferance of this person; and such is now the necessity which constrains her to alter her former family bonds. The history of this family of origin is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over this person. To prove this, let facts be submitted to a candid world.

It has been established that I am an actual multiplicity of persons, as evidenced by the DSM-IV criteria for Dissociative Identity Disorder.

That the acquisition of such a disorder only occurs under extreme, brutal, and repeated traumas, which must commence before the age of 6 yrs. for this level of disorder to manifest.

Memories which have returned have been accompanied and/or preceded by actual sensory replay of the experience.

Physiological, emotional, and cognitive effects experienced are consistent with the events coming to light.

No memory has returned as a result of any intrusive therapeutic techniques such as hypnosis, or under any suggestion or leading by any therapist or support person.



The reading of graphic descriptions of other survivors accounts of their experience, or descriptions of the inner workings of any groups has been consistently avoided, as to discourage the contamination of any recalled material, and to ensure the pure veracity of any emerging memory or experience.

Memories which have returned have shown information which could not be known otherwise, and which have corroborated with the known operations of certain organized groups of people.

Through this internal work, actual places have been described in detail, corroborated by witnesses who have actually been to and have seen and described the same places.

Memories of rituals and ceremonies which have returned, have been consistent with details of actual, documented and known ceremonies in the groups of question, which were not known personally beforehand.

Documented evidence of intimidation and harassment by individuals or groups as evidenced by tampering with my free speech over the internet via weblogs, such as illegal acquisition of passwords, resulting in deliberate deletion of written material, and the posting of personal information on such sites for which my permission was not granted.

The deliberate sabotage of webmail accounts by individuals or groups, resulting in illegal interruption and interception of emails sent and received.

Use of terror tactics, designed to foster fear and intimidation, as evidenced by the attempted crime of physical abduction of one of my children, by alleged group, identifying themselves by the use of key phrases known only to me and said perpetrators.

The contacting of my therapist by an identified family member without my knowledge or permission while using an alias, making baseless accusations of my person, knowingly encouraging the therapist to violate legal confidentiality laws as put forth by HIPPA regulations.

As a result of all aforementioned experiences, my mental stability, professional livelihood, marriage, parenting ability, spiritual practice, healthy relationship forming ability, general functionality, and even my life have been placed in grave jeopardy.

This family of origin as well as the surrounding community of origin have grossly abused their power, and have fallen far short of providing the protection and nurturance to which every child is entitled by rights, thereby abdicating all authority over and entitlement to honor from my person.



I, therefore, the Representative of my internal persons, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of my intentions, do in the Name, and by the Authority of myself and Almighty God, solemnly publish and declare, That the whole of my person is, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent; that I am absolved from all Allegiance to this family of origin, and that all relationship between I and them, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as a Free and independent person, I have full power to prosecute under the law, if it is necessary, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish relationships, and do all other Acts and Things which Independent persons may of right do.

And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, I pledge to God, my husband and my children my Life, my Fortune, and my Sacred Honor.

Signed,
Severina
Under Ruash Yasha

This the day of August 11, 2005

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