A Gothic Treatise

OK. Here we go. This got pretty long. I guess it a treatise of sorts, so I think it covers the subject pretty well. Any questions are always welcomed.
We got involved in the Goth scene in 2001, after we had a bitter falling out with Vineyard. Not that one caused the other, it was just that we had totally wrapped ourselves around church, only hanging around church people, only doing church social activities etc. for the last 10 yrs, the previous 5 in Vineyard and the 5 before that at Oakwood. Both times we had a hard time really fitting in, both times we had a crisis where each wasn't really there for us, and both times we got to the point where we wondered, "If we just didn't show up anymore, would anyone care? Would anyone even notice our absence?" Both times we tested it, and both times we found our feelings and suspicions to be correct. Both times we just stopped going and NO ONE even called us ever again, except at Vineyard where we have maintained relationship with
my best friend now. She is like us, broken and not afraid to admit it, and an alternative/hippy type person. So after the SECOND time of this happening, my heart became completely embittered toward church. Not to God, but to church. The pastor at Vineyard had also told me that my life was way to sectarian, that I needed to develop relationships and interests outside the church, that church couldn't meet all my needs. So, from 2000 until about spring of 2001 we were really involved with the SCA (society of creative anachronism) a medieval re-enacting society. It takes a lot of time and some money. It was fun, but we also encountered the same thing as when we were in the church, where it seemed like when we were new, people wanted to get to know us to a point, and then at some point weren't interested in getting to know us any deeper. I wonder if thats what's going on in our present church, and in the future, people will see whatever "flaw" or lack of being on the same wavelength or whatever it is about us, and lose interest in us.

My passion in life has always been, next to God, music. I haven't had much opportunity to perform, and have been too lazy to develop musical instrument ability (actually, I play the flute from long ago, but haven't in a long time, and would love to develop piano skills, but don't have one) . Since singing comes naturally to me and I don't have to work at it, I'm not used to that kind of discipline. I have always been a music connoisseur, of almost any type, and have been a huge collector of vinyl and now CDs. One of my biggest interests was in '80s new wave and was in an '80s yahoo group and had heard of gothic/industrial music, but didn't know what it was really. I was looking for new music interests more than anything, and a guy sent me a sampler that he made and I really liked it.
So, we started going to this goth club/bar called The Labyrinth, mainly to hear the music, and experience the "scene", like being able to dress up. The kind of sad thing is that when we started going there, we felt like we were "home". We were accepted there more easily than at church, a lot because we had more in common with the people there. Where else can you dress up elegantly wearing a corset, long skirt and long gloves?? In case you haven't noticed, dressing is an art form for me. It basically is for goths. Yes, it is a "dark" subculture, but that is misleading. Dark does not necessarily connotate "evil". Goths don't just embrace "darkness" or "morbidity". They embrace ALL of life, the good and bad, the dark places and the light. I have found in life that it is in the dark places where the most learning occurs. A very "gothic" perspective, at least for the Christian Goth is given by M. Scott Peck in an excellent book that I recently read called, People of the Lie- The Hope For Healing Human Evil. He says:

"The purpose of this book is to encourage us to take our human life so seriously that we also take human evil far more seriously—seriously enough to study it with all the means at our command, including the methods of science. It is my intention to encourage us to recognize evil for what it is, in all its ghastly reality. There is nothing morbid about my purpose. To the contrary, it is in dedication to “life…more abundantly.” The only valid reason to recognize human evil is to heal it wherever we can, and (as is currently most often the case) when we cannot, to study it further that we might discover how to heal it in specific instances and eventually wipe its ugliness off the face of the earth." M. Scott Peck- People of the Lie, pg. 44

Gothic people are artsy, creative types, who are usually deep thinkers, facinated by mystery, which often includes the mystery of death. Their tastes gravitate toward the rich, dark palette of colors and textures, like black, dark purple, dark red. Textures and fabrics like leather, lace, velvet, satin, brocade. Dark, Victorian decor. No Martha Stuart, "country" or pastel decor for us! We are also aficionados of things like gothic literature, vampire lore, silent films, cemetary/funerary art, film noir, and black comedies. We tend to have epicurean tastes in food, drink, and smoking. Goths tend to be gourmets of sorts, liking exotic food and alcoholic beverages. Liquors such as Chartreuse, and Absinthe, and Clove (Kretek) cigarettes are popular goth favorites. An interesting aside is that I know several goths who go to clubs but neither drink alcohol, smoke, or do drugs (BTW drugs do not seem to figure significantly in gothic culture). Most club goers are there for the music, expression, dance, and fashion, as well as someplace to hang with people of similar interests. Music tastes gravitate to compositions with a dark or dramatic feel; from classical music such as Bach's Toccatta and Fugue in D-Minor, Saint-Saens' Danse Macabre, Mussorgsky's Night On Bald Mountain, Wagner's Ride of the Valkyries, Beetoven's Moonlight Sonata, or Mozart's Requiem, to More modern ones like Mike Oldfield's Tubular Bells, or Theme songs from The X-Files or The Twilight Zone. We also gravitate to darker rock such as Evanescence, Type O Negative, or Delerium and older darker influential bands such as Depeche Mode, The Cure, Siouxsie and the Banshees, Bauhaus; and further back, influences like some Rolling Stones, David Bowie, The Doors, or Blue Oyster Cult. Generally, music that is generally mysterious, dramatic, deep, or epic will be well received. In the newer, younger more industrial crowd, musical influences are more electronic and driven, more like dark electronica stemming from influences like Nine Inch Nails, Skinny Puppy, and various techno artists. This is the kind of thing which has pretty much taken over the goth/industrial club scene in the last couple of years. In worship music we tend to like minor chorded and "sad" sounding things, of which a lot of the Jewish influenced worship music is. We like media in general that is very emotive, dramatic, and intense. Goths love dancing, but not so much organized dancing, but more expressive, freeflow dance. When at a goth club, you see as many dance styles as there are personalities. There is a great emphasis and "code" if you will, of being your own person, and doing your own thing, and being admired and encouraged in that. Differences and uniqueness are valued, and conformity is frowned upon. In a fashion sense, the goths that are truly admired by others are the ones who are continually going out on a creative limb; seeing great potential in the alteration of average garments into something creative and unique. Goths also tend to have a love of history and historical costuming encorpoating different historical styles into their wardrobe, especially medieval/rennaisance, some early 19th century european, and Victorian/Edwardian. They usually love art that is romantic, and hearkens back to more romantic, idealized times, such as the pre-raphealite movement of the late 19th century. We generally have a love of creation, often with a great love of sunsets, night sounds and animals, the stars and moon.
The question is always asked whether or not "goth" is a religion. As you can see, basically, from above, the answer is a resounding, NO. It is a worldview, mindset, aesthestic, and/or lifestyle, but goths have a range of spiritual bents. Most are not atheists, as most goths have a strong sense of the supernatural and the existence of something beyond the temporal here and now. Yes, there are a lot of wiccans and neo-pagans to be found among us, but curiously, Christians are suprisingly well tolerated, if we are perceived to be one of them, and not someone who is posing as a goth with an evangelistic agenda. Goths are known for their openmindedness and willingness to discuss and explore the mysteries of life. The non-Christians among us are almost always willing to hear the Christian perspective on all manner of issues, provided they are given the same respect and hearing of their perspectives on things, which is as it should be. We earn the right to be heard in the exercise of mutual respect.
I guess this just about covers it, and if you read this far, you now know more about this than just about anyone, who isn't a goth themselves, or maybe like us, you're saying, "Wow, I guess I've been a goth all along and just not known it!"

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Trusting Jesus For Memory Recovery

Trusting Jesus For Memory Recovery


Back in about 1992 when I first started dealing with the abuse, I really had no memories. Just a lot of signs and symptoms of having been sexually abused. Plus I had this sense of incompleteness, like there was something I didn't know always nagging at me. I hated waiting for flashbacks for memory fragments to pop up. Once, I got fed up with waiting for the memories and decided to utilize some of my self hypnosis techniques from my days involved with the New Age movement. I totally relaxed my whole body and then imagined walking down a flight of steps to a basement while counting backward from 10. This is standard practice for hypnosis. I got halfway down the steps in my minds eye, and suddenly Jesus showed up in front of me, blocking my way. I then became a little girl and began throwing a "temper tantrum", beating on Him with my fists and wanting past Him, wanting to know. He stepped aside a little so that I could see past Him to the bottom of the stairs. The stairwell was dark and at the bottom was a door which was closed. There was light coming from behind the door through the crack around it. When I looked down there a feeling of fear came over me. He asked me how I felt when I looked down there and I told Him that I was scared. He asked me if I wanted to go down there now by myself, or if I wanted to trust in His timing and that when I was ready, He would take me down there. I broke down crying in His arms and said that I didn't want to go with out Him. I said that I would wait for Him even though I wanted to know so badly what had happened to me and who did it. Since then, I have trusted in Him and His timing for the memories, and I am glad, because they have been worse than my deepest fears. Sometime last year when He was preparing me for the knowledge of the DID, I had another vision of being on the other side of that door with Him in blinding light. Now the door stands open and we go there together periodically. Ironically, now He has to drag ME there. I hate memory recovery now and wish it would end. I feel like I know enough but there always seems to be more. And I know that it is important to be bold enough to go there with Him, because it makes things in my life now make more sense and why I act and feel the way I do. Having the memories actually gives me empowerment in my life. I remind myself that I already lived through it, so it won't kill me to remember. I don't go digging for memories anymore but just accept them as they are ready to come. However, it takes a while of fighting through my defense mechanisms for them to surface sometimes.
So all of you struggling with memory recovery, take heart, relax, let God bring things in His timing, and pray for confirmation of the truth and against the enemy's deception. Don't jump on a fragment right away and try to "figure it out". Just let it unfold as it will, don't read into it, and trust yourself and your gut feeling about it, in my experience, it usually proves right.

Walk in the light bros and sisses,

This was originally written 9/2002.

I thought the memories were beyond anything imaginable then? This was before I knew anything about the ritual abuse or programming. I look back and see how much God knows and how much I have to listen to him, and wait on him. If I had ignored him, and been able to access everything at once way back then, I would not have been able to bear it. I would have had to self destruct. Even now, I don't know everything. I don't know when it will end. Will I be getting back memories for the rest of my life? I don't know.
I pray every time something new comes, for God to guide me into all truth. I have to believe that he honors this prayer.

Severina

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On Fear And Going Public

[This is a repost from a while ago. This blog was hacked and this post and another were deleted. Apparently someone is threatened by what I write and doesn't believe in the first amendment to the U.S. Constitution.]

This record is not just a nifty place for me to rant. It is a testimony. It is a chronicle of my journey as it unfolds along the way. Already, since its inception, the journey has taken me on surprising twists and turns. My life seemed complicated when I started this, and has only become more so, as well as becoming like some wierd movie. I would probably not believe it if I weren't living it and experiencing it. For awhile, when I first started to discover these things, I was very fearful, but after much thought and struggle, I have come to the decision that I do not want to live my life out of fear, because I have discovered, as Paul Atreides did in "Dune", that "Fear is the mind killer". Once it takes root in ones spirit, it is a dark poison that permeates the whole person and strangles hope. It provides the very fertile ground in which the weeds of despair, and desolation grow.

I want my testimony to be mostly public because people need to know that we are out here and we are not freaks or fanatics. Since buried memories of abuse began to surface 17 yrs. ago, I have prayed constantly for God to lead me into all truth. I have faith that he has and will continue to grant me that prayer because it is one of the virtues that He desires in His children. I cling to the scripture that says:

then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. John 8:32

I am of the belief that the prayers that are guaranteed to be granted are the prayers that sincerely, in our heart of hearts, are for virtues that he desires to cultivate in us. These are things like truth, wisdom, love, steadfastness etc. etc. I have continually prayed for truth and I believe it has and will continue to be revealed to me. It is very hard to face and contrary to what some have accused me of, I do not wish for the bitter and horrible truths that have been and are being uncovered to be true. Indeed, they do not go down smooth, but painfully, like the jagged little pills that they are. The implications of a whole lot of things are enormous and I am bound to lose people I love because of them. However, I know that through the experiencing and sharing of them, my true friends and family will emerge with the promise of true relationship, not relationship based on a lie, as was my experience growing up.

There is also a larger reason for people to know about what happened to me and others who share my testimonial. There is a hidden/occult society behind the mask of everyday normalcy where dark plans are afoot, and where unspeakable atrocities are everyday committed. These crimes we stand witness to. They are crimes against children, crimes against families, crimes against society, and ultimately, the world. There is a need for people to wake up to what is going on all around them, to open their eyes to reality, unanesthetized by the constant bombardment and mass mind control of the media. Just as there is a global plan for good which is not hidden from the world but has been gladly shouted from the rooftops for two millenia, there is also a hidden, darker agenda at work. This plan is not shouted out, but contrived and implemented in the dark bowels of society, hidden by a mask of middle to upper class normalcy. There are those of us whose destiny is was to participate in the bringing about of this dark plan, but who refuse to cooperate. We reject the destiny that others chose for us, and embrace the calling from the One who truly loves us. Unlike the former, whose plans ultimately result in our destruction, the One who rescued us has in mind peace, love and hope and ultimately eternal reward at the end of the road. We who have listened to the bright clarion call of the trumpet of truth and have followed it out of the dark caves and labyrinths where we were imprisoned. Many in society will call us "cranks", "fanatics" "conspiracy nuts","deluded", or just plain liars or whatever marginalizing names and categories they can put us in, because the truth is hard. The truth is frightening. The implications which, if really taken seriously, would require one to rouse out of their blindness, take big risks, and stand against seemingly impossible odds. However, I cling to this:

28Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. Matthew 10:28

So, it is not for myself that I write. It is for the world, and it is for truth, because:

13But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come. John 16:13

By Severina

strengthened and nurtured by Ruash Yasha.

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Anger And Retribution

[This is a repost from a while ago. This blog was hacked and this post and another were deleted. Apparently someone is threatened by what I write and doesn't believe in the first amendment to the U.S. Constitution.]

1 The LORD said to Moses, 2 "Say to the Israelites: 'Any Israelite or any alien living in Israel who gives [a] any of his children to Molech must be put to death. The people of the community are to stone him. 3 I will set my face against that man and I will cut him off from his people; for by giving his children to Molech, he has defiled my sanctuary and profaned my holy name. 4 If the people of the community close their eyes when that man gives one of his children to Molech and they fail to put him to death, 5 I will set my face against that man and his family and will cut off from their people both him and all who follow him in prostituting themselves to Molech. Leviticus 20:1-5

Who is Molech?

As I have been putting together the pieces of my history in the last months, I have often been overwhelmed with rage at everything that happened to me and at the people who put me in harms way. Often too, I have a rage at society in general for choosing to stay blind to the horrors that are going on all around them. Child abuse, ritual abuse, child pornography, child prostitution and many other abominations visited on children are all too common and these things proliferate in part due to the blindness and apathy of the public at large.

One might read the above passage from scripture and not see any relationship to the present day. After all, who is Molech anyway? Nobody worships Molech nowadays do they? That was a long time ago, but we are more rational now, aren't we?

I never thought that I would ever find anything very meaningful and applicable to the present day, or to me personally in the Torah/Pentateuch (The first five books of the Old Testament). I was wrong. When I ran across this passage a couple of months ago, I was very moved, and surprised at its relevance to me and also to the society at large.

My parents may or may not have literally worshipped Molech, but they participated in some sort of occult religion, and I was made a sacrifice to that evil. I don't know at this point what they were promised in return. Was it money, status, power, or a combination? Whatever they were promised, it must have been irresistable for them to hand over their child to programmers. Perhaps they were told that I was special, that I had innate abilities. Perhaps they were told that I would be trained to be great and powerful in the coming New Age. Whatever the facts are that surround these events, the effect was that I was dedicated to/baptized into demonic worship, and handed over to "caring expert trainers". These "trainers" used trauma based mind control techniques to create splitting and more splitting of my personality, to create systems of alter personalities, and to create a vast inner landscape in my mind. The purpose of this was so that they could "program" (really just a form of classical reward/punishment behavioral conditioning) the newly created alters to serve whatever purposes they desired. Some were programmed as internal controllers of programs. Some were spiritually trained in occult practices and knowledge. Some were programmed for some future job or purpose. Some were programmed to keep track of time and make sure things happened according to schedule. One was even created as an actual clone of the real programmer, an internal representative of him, so that I would carry him with me forever and would always know that he was there, watching me, controlling me. The possibilities are endless. So far, I have discovered in my inner landscape, a graveyard, a Golden Hall, a temple, an underground labyrinth, a ruined abby, a vast forest, a chapel, a meadow. Some of this was created by them and some by me. Its the same with the alters. The original splitting/dissociation was caused by them, but the skill was learned by me to use as a coping mechanism. As I encountered other traumas along the way, another "person" was created to hold the experience or to do a skill so that I wouldn't have to remember, or participate in the abuse.

So, here I am, fractured almost infinitely it sometimes seems, and have been remembering the trauma gradually for the last 16 yrs. The introduction to a whole new system of alters who had been buried deeply in my mind called "The Dark Ones", started last December, 2004. This new system carries the memories of Satanic Ritual Abuse, and Programming. It has felt like someone has dumped a huge puzzle out in front of me which represents my whole life. All of the pieces are upside down and I am only allowed to pick up one piece at a time. I can examine it as much as I want, but by itself it makes no sense, so I set it aside and pick up another piece. Eventually, I find pieces that seem similar and some of them fit together and gradually the picture is created. The maddening thing though is that I don't have a finished picture on a box lid to refer to.

So, lets get back to the bible passage. I have been so angry at everything that I have been subjected to in my life, and have asked "Why, God?" "Do you care?" When I read this passage, it was so clear how angry God was at this practice of sacrificing one's children to demons (because lets face it that is exactly what is going on here). I read the passage out loud with all of the dramatic passion that is evident in the words. I realized that God was furious with my parents for sacrificing me, but also, and this is really important, He is equally furious with those that stood by and didn't "see". He is just as angry at those who choose not to look at the "unpleasant" realities of what is happening to children. In fact, he holds them in account, the same as if they had committed the act themselves! All of the people in my life who have discounted, minimized, rejected the testimony of the most abused and wounded people in our land are responsible for the continuation of such practices. Those who claim that Satanic Ritual Abuse does not occur, that claim there is no evidence, who claim that it is all a modern "witchhunt" are as surely on the road to hell as fast as the cultists themselves. Here are a couple of choice quotes which speak to this by Ayn Rand:

The spread of evil is the symptom of a vacuum. whenever evil wins, it is only by default: by the moral failure of those who evade the fact that there can be no compromise on basic principles.

Ayn Rand (1905 - 1982), Capitalism: The Unknown Ideal, 1966

The evil of the world is made possible by nothing but the sanction you give it.

Ayn Rand (1905 - 1982), Atlas Shrugged, 1957

I and others like me are getting nothing out of saying these things. We are speaking out so that these terrible things will stop, and so that others who are caught up and still victim to it may be set free, and may from our example, summon the courage to be silent no more. There is no personal benefit to us to say these things, in fact, standing on our recollections, and breaking the silence has cost us relationships with people that we love. We have no reason to fabricate these things, and believe me, some of the information and memories that have come to light, well....lets just say, that maybe I am a creative person, but definitely could not, in my wildest of imaginations have come up with these things. I haven't read about them someplace, I haven't read it in books, or heard about the specifics from other survivors. And, the claims that therapists have planted these "false memories" in our minds, is the worst and lamest kind of claim there is. What possible gain would a therapist have to risk his/her license and livelihood to convince a person of all of these hideous details? Those that promote the farce of "false memory syndrome" are either perpetrators trying to deflect responsibility and maintain their "good reputation", or people complicit with the lie to avoid seeing something that they don't want to see or deal with. Either person is equally responsible, and God will in return "set His face against him and his whole family".

The subject of forgiveness is a whole discussion in itself which I won't really cover here, but seeing how God feels about this issue and hearing His promises to deal with those responsible, takes me one step closer to being able to acheive that miracle. For now, it is comforting to know that the God Of The Universe feels the same wrath that I do, that He truly cares about what happens to us, and doesn't forget.

Neither will I.

Severina
June 2005

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The Wizard of Oz- A Tool For Mind Control

"It was pure inspiration.... It came to me right out of the blue. I think that sometimes the Great Author has a message to get across and He has to use the instrument at hand. I happened to be that medium, and I believe the magic key was given me to open the doors to sympathy and understanding, joy, peace and happiness."

Hearn, Michael Patrick, ed. The Annotated Wizard of Oz. New York: Clarkson N. Potter,
1973.

This is a quote from L. Frank Baum, author of the popular children's book, later made into the movie, The Wizard of Oz which has made such a cultural impact on America in the 20th century and beyond. Baum was a member of the Theosophical Society . Theosophy is a metaphysical tradition loosely based on Eastern Mysticism. Many teachings are incorporated into Baum's famous books. That's just a little background for something that has been used by the Illuminati for purposes of trauma based mind control programming, specifically in Project Monarch. Many survivors of this type of programming have described how this work of fiction has been used in their and many others internal programming. Some examples are Svali, Cathy O'Brian, and Carol Rutz. So, one can see how common the use of this book and/or movie is. I have had this confirmed to me by many other survivors of RA/MC. (Ritual Abuse/Mind Control).

However, since this ongoing testimony is regarding my own experience, I will focus on what this tale has meant to me, and how it was used to influence my thinking and behavior.

I have been becoming increasingly aware of Wizard of Oz influences on my programming. While, I haven't found internal structures to suggest this, the internal extension of the external programmer, Herr Mohler, first appeared to me as a shadow behind a curtain, and when we asked to talk to him, his first response was "Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain."
In addition to that, After I remembered the May Day events, and the others that were there, I did some thinking about a friend of mine that I was close to, who was there. She and I would play Wizard of Oz in her bedroom at her house alot. We were especially gleeful at one of us pretending to be the witch, getting under the bed with our feet sticking out, and shrinking them up, like in the movie. We would act the whole thing out, in a good vs. evil sort of way.

The key to all of this has become increasingly clear. I have always needed to believe that my mother's house was a safe place. I needed to see it as "home". A place where I belonged, and where I could, indeed, needed to return to. As I really thought about this honestly, however, I started to see inconsistencies in this thinking. I started really looking at how I remembered feeling there. In reality, while living there, I felt like my existence on this planet was resented. I felt like I was walking on eggshells. I felt like a guest who has overstayed their welcome. And through my adolescent years, I tried everything to get out of there. I wanted to be sent to boarding school, I begged my older sister several times to let me come and live in her basement, I begged to be sent to Ohio to live with my Aunt who was really good to me,and I even wanted to go to a foster home. Finally, I ran away, hitchhiking from Colorado Springs, CO to Reno, NV before getting caught by the police and sent home. I fully intended to go to LA and stay there. I preferred life on the streets to life in the affluent community and family where I was from. Then, as soon as I found a way out, I moved out right after I turned 17. Are these the feelings and actions of someone who feels safe in thier "home"? Granted, I never labeled my feelings "unsafe", but miserable, definitely. As I was pondering these things a very important realization hit me suddenly.

The fact is, that EVERY time I started to think of my mom’s house as unsafe even for a second, my mind would go back to one particular memory. Never any others, just this one, every time.
I must have been about 7-8? It was after watching The Wizard of Oz, which we always did when it came on TV every year. I said to my mom, "There really is no place like home is there?" She responded very warmly to me, hugging me tightly and saying, "No, honey, there isn't."
Wow, talk about a bucket of cold water being poured over my head! Actually, I've had several of those dump over my head lately, figuratively speaking. I wondered it this could have something to do with the Wizard of Oz programming that I had heard about periodically. If so, I surely was programmed with the message, "There's no place like home." which even in the movie is spoken as a chant, producing a trance state in Dorothy.

After much thought, here is what I have figured out about Oz programming and the KEY influence it has on my present life. It answers a conundrum that has stumpted us for years. Why is it that the more I uncover, the less functional I become? Yes, I work full time successfully, most of the time, because I have to....or more precisely, I am ALLOWED to. I have been blocked from having a normal life and from allowing myself to pursue things like an adequate house, controlled/organized surroundings. Basically, I have been floating around feeling like a perpetual transient gypsy, although staying in one place. I seem to lack the ability to create a HOME. Whenever I even attempt to envision the kind of house, or the kind of life I would like to have, I am cut short with the statement in my head, "I am not ALLOWED", and the whole thing shuts down. The house and my life has become overwhelming and I have been becoming increasingly paralyzed, the closer to blowing the lid off this whole thing I get. It all makes sense now, based on Oz programming:

According to the programming, I am not allowed to have a successful life outside of the control of the cult (which explains why all of this stuff started breaking down as soon as I got with my current husband, which I wasn't supposed to do.). The message is that home is Kansas (the cult/my family). When I am outside of their influence, I am in Oz where I will always be wandering, always be searching for home in a confusing place where nothing is as it seems, and which is unpredictable and full of danger. In Oz you will be forever pursued by evil which will eventually destroy you if you don't go "home".

You will eventually be captured, time will run out, and your fate will be in our hands. You will search for help and find that no one can or is willing to help you.The seemingly most powerful and wise people that you search out for counsel will be shown to be impotent charlatans. Your friends and even your most devoted companions, although they care about you or even love you will be powerless to help you because THERE IS NO PLACE LIKE HOME. Home is the only answer; the only place to find predictability and security. Kansas (home) is black and white--meaning that at home there are clear answers and directions. Also--regarding other people: The people in Kansas are simple people. When you are in Oz, you will see that the same people are different--but if you confront them with what you remember or discover, they will deny it. They will tell you that it wasn't real, that it was all a dream.

I have actually said throughout the years over and over to people when discussing living in a safe community, having nice neighbors that you know, having a decent house that you can make your own, or generally the pursuit of any dreams I may have: "Its different for me, I am cursed. I am not allowed."

I stand now and regect that and all their lies. I reclaim my RIGHT as a human being. I claim the right to LIFE, LIBERTY AND THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS!!

So, last week for the first time, I allowed myself to dream. I actually had a long discussion with my husband, not about the abuse/programming and the past, which has been the common topic of late, but about the future. I talked about my vision of what kind of house I want, how I would like it decorated, different rooms and uses for them, my wish for a garden, and my dream to create a Chartres style Labyrinth in my backyard that I can let people use and experience, and where I can teach them the profound insights that I and my husband have gotten from walking one just once. There are SO many things that I want to do, which I haven't even been allowed to think about. My dreamshave been stolen before they even begin to take shape, and I will not allow it any more.

How powerful that word is! ALLOW

Severina

More links about The Wizard of Oz:

L. Frank Baum and the Not So Wonderful Wizard Of Oz

The Wizard Of Oz Revisited

Some Interpretations of Wizard Of Oz

Jim's Wizard Of Oz Website

Dark Side Of Oz

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